Golden Girls

:: Last Week of Sports Camps ::

aka the saddest week of my existence. 

okay so not really because it was still super fun, but it was really sad the last night. 

SMALLEST CHECK IN OF MY LIFE, Y'ALL.

i still got to joke with other counselors and laugh a whole lot, so it was good. 

i had another week of volleyball girls!! yay!

The entire week i kept thinking, "this is my last ___________" or "I'm going to really miss________"

the trees all over campus and green everything is definitely going on my miss list. 

 Monday night, we were headed for field games, and we saw some really dark clouds in the distance, but we were way hyper, and i already loved my group, so i was happy and didn't mind the brooding sky. 

also, i just really wanted a Popsicle.

we got to the edge of the dorms and it started sprinkling. but it had been sprinkling on and off all weekend. 

no big. 

then, out of nowhere i was soaking wet, completely drenched and freezing cold. 

The sky fell open like someone was holding it upside down and shaking it out.

it literally happened so fast that i didn't fully understand what was going on. that and, all the rain was collecting at my glasses and i couldn't see at all. 

 we SPRINTED back to our dorms, hurdling bushes and dodging trees like Robin Hood and little John, and somehow made it back without drowning.

video of that transition here

my profcrocs (professional crocs. i know, i'm clever.) were full of water

DRENCHED. 

and this was my undisclosed favorite, we'll call her Tally

so instead we just hung out in the dorms and got to know each other better. 

these girls were INCREDIBLE. it was that night that i got to know Tasha. 

THIS GROUP WAS SO GOOD. 

i know i say that about most of them, haha. 

these girls were ALL obedient, though. 

every single one of them. 

i had literally zero problems that week. 

zero, zip, zulch. 

just a whole lot of love and a whole lot of prayers answered. 

We went to Six Peaks on Tuesday instead of Wednesday, buuuuuut we got rained out. again. 

when we got bused back to camp, we headed to the Tanner building to 'my room' (one last time) and watched The Parent Trap. ahh, the 90s.

 i ruved dees ladiez

Their name was "golden girls", by the way. because one of the girls said, "Golden!" a lot, and we had all caught on by not even the end of the first day, haha. 

 this was my arm a few days post-river. i should have taken a picture later in the week, because the bruises were great colors!

Wednesday i had lunch with my friend Ryan, and afterward, we were walking back to campus and i just felt really really lucky for having this summer. 

but right then i felt lucky for all the good men i met this summer. 

trust me, i'm not bragging. it's not like i went on a million dates or anything, and no i didn't get a boyfriend. haha. i'm just saying. there are so so so many good men out there. there are so many boys trying to be good people, and i love that. i love guys who aren't ashamed to be kind or spiritual. 

I knew a lot of people like that this summer and it made me happy. 

Wednesday was our last night.

GROOVE TIME

 Hi, i'm the embarrassing counselor who goes around taking pictures of my campers with their crushes.

I danced and danced like there was no tomorrow. and while we screamed at the top of our lungs and flopped around like noodles, which we call dancing, i couldn't help but get carried away. 

 everything slowed down in my head and i had to swallow a sudden lump in my throat. 

Then the DJ HAD to play "stay with me" and make us all want to cry. there were lots of big tight squeezy hugs. but i stopped that almost immediately because i did not want to breakdown in front of everyone, haha. 

and then, just like that, the week was over. 

Thursday afternoon, i said goodbye to my girls

(TASHA!!)

and some other counselors! (The beautiful Rachels)

then i packed lickety split and hitched a ride with Rachel O back to my apartment. we agreed to write letters and have a book club. i sincerely love that girl. maybe we stayed up until 3:30 am talking all Wednesday night and i felt like our souls were a little more knit, even though it was probably foolish to stay up into the wee morning, haha. 

I unpacked and said a preliminary goodbye to some dearies across the quad. 

One girl's name is Melissa, too. We even have the same initials. and she moved into my apartment after i left! hahaha. so we had to take a picture.

thursday night i went on a date with my friend Karl. he's such a sweetheart! he had remembered that i had a Provo bucket list and he took me to some of the places that i hadn't crossed off yet. my fanny pack was broken, though, so i had no place to tote a camera, and didn't get any pictures. bummy. 

but a note to all future boys:

ask Karl how to make girls feel smart and funny and cute. he's really good at that. 

...

I spent all friday packing and cleaning. 

except that in the early afternoon i went on campus to pick up my last check. and on the way home, i got a phone call from a Madera number. 

so i answered. 

curious. 

It was a woman from the Madera Unified School District Office offering me a sub position at the MSHS library as a media tech for as long as i'm home before my school starts in September. UHM, YES, PLEASE. obedience brings blessings, y'all.

i practically jumped through the phone into her office to put a green check mark by my name.

yes.

pleasantries. thank yous. 

hang up. 

reality. 

summer is over. 

I sat right there on the hill next to the 'athlete's tunnel' that i had walked under with my campers every day for the past eight weeks,

 and i cried. 

cried for the good and for the bad and for the things that i've left behind this summer that i should have thrown far away, years ago. I cried because i'm going to miss singing with Derek in church. we're a built in duet wherever we go. I cried because i was remembering that exactly one year ago i was a miserable, pathetic heap on my bedroom floor in the depths of depression and the only thing i wanted was to get my life back. I cried that day on the hill because this summer, i fought. and i won. and i got my life back. 

I cried for my dear friends that i am leaving in Provo and the memories that we've made, and because fast friends that are also true friends are rare. i was so lucky. 

mostly i cried because i have just been so wonderfully blessed. 

 because i was happy and sad and grateful. 

I was being handed a miracle job on a silver platter, but i would be leaving the job that I've loved with my whole entire heart. 

every feeling i'd kept plugged up for the past eight weeks came spilling over on that green knoll. i laid back in the grass and twisted a few blades between my fingers, the last few stragglers dripping down my cheeks, and  i let out a labored sigh. i reached underneath my glasses and rubbed my eyes, then kept my fingers over my lids to block out the light. 

and i prayed really hard to just feel grateful instead of sad, because i really was so happy and thankful for the way everything had turned out, and is still turning out.

tears came again, but they weren't the hot salty kind anymore, they were the calm reassuring kind that make your eyes feel less itchy. 

I breathed out as slowly and steadily as possible, and then got up, gathered my things, and walked home. 

then, like the widow of Zarephath, i ate the last of my food and prepared to die. hahaha. 

well, figuratively, of course. but i really did eat the last of my food. 

 saturday morning i checked out of my dear Cinnamon Tree Apartment. 

Derek's roommate offered to drive us to St.George to meet our mom who was staying there for the week anyway. uhmm, yes! thanks, dawg! so nice! buuuuuuuuuttt....he got a ticket...and i felt horrible...

the ride home with Derek and Mom was a lot of really good conversation, singing, and laughing. and a stop at the Las Vega Subway where an employee named Dominic was literally so helpful and impressive that i took down the manager's number and called in after the fact to compliment the service. 

we got home around 3 am. 

and i crawled into my on bed that night thinking, "this might be the last time i live at home..." and it put me in a weird, pensive mood for the whole next week. and now, afterward, i'm still looking at things differently. 

I'm home now, Sports Camps are over, but i don't want to stop being who i was becoming there. I still want to be improving. i refuse to have another khazad-dum summer. 

i refuse to be stagnant again. 

i am still going to get better. 

always, always, 

i wanna be better. 

i am going to continue getting better this summer.

i can do, i can do it. 

Kewl Katz

maybe i haven't posted in a week because i don't want to stop posting about Sports Camps. maybe i never ever will and i'll just be like Ms. Havisham reliving the same days over and over in my mind. 

or not, cause that'd be sad. 

but to be real i'll prolly reference sports camps for a long ol' time. 

deal. wif. et. 

by the way i forgot to post this picture when i was talking about the weekend! 

I used to draw my dreams when i was younger. 

i had a dream that a girl who shall remain nameless was the dragon from Shrek, and she was playing rugby for Derek's hand in marriage. but Derek was definitely maid Marian from Disney's Robin Hood.

so i painted it. 

my group 7/28/14 - 7/31/14 was awesome. no, no, they were kewl.

and because i call everyone 'dawg', they thought it's be funny to call themselves cats. but i refused. they said, "what if it's spelled k-a-t-z"

"....okay"

 that week i had volleyball girls. they ROCKED! they had practice in the evening after dinner, which provided some well received counselor clusters.  

I ruv philly.

we actually got to be roomies! but more about that in a tick.

my girlies and i walkin' to the dance!

haymitch:

Thomas, literally grooving too hard for the camera to capture.

Tuesday afternoon, we were waiting for our kids to come out of practice, and me and phil were singing Mr.Big at the top of our lungs. this kid came up and joined us. we were impressed. so when we bumped into him at the dance, i took a picture. 

naturally.  

"what?! me and _____? no way. we're not together. there's nothing."

my camera says yousa is lying to me:

post-dance camper goodbyes outside the dorm lobby doors at curfew. gag. 

 I don't know WHY this made me laugh for a solid 2 minutes, but it definitely did. probably because it's just SO FLIPPING TRUE.

DEAR MOTHERS, DON'T BE THAT MOM. K, THANKS. 

one GAAAA-REAT thing about that week was dear ol' philly.

we got to be roommates. 

she's from Manchester(ish), Great Britain. she was technically Derek's friend first but i stole her.

and our room was right next door to Rachel HArdy Har Har's. so Obviously, we had the week of our lives. 

I also stumbled upon these gems: 

so cute. 

pictured below?

our nemesis, EFY. kidding. i loved EFY. we just joke about them being our enemy because they wear polo shirts and curl their hair everyday. 

we go to breakfast with PJs and morning breath. 

Wednesday morning i woke up smiling. and i bounded down the hall waking up my girls with the chant, "SIX! PEAKS! DAY! SIX! PEAKS! DAY!"

Wednesday as we came out of lunch, Phillipa and I saw our friend Harrison struggling with his bike, so went over to help. we probably only bothered him, but he was a good sport. 

dear future husband, if you could have hair as curly and adorable as Harrison's, that'd be great. thanks. 

turns out, some knuckle-head had locked their bike to his through his break lines, and he had to completely take apart his handle bars. the whole time, we made up a story to tell the person who did this. "Harrison was late to his volunteer position at the abandoned puppy shelter" "Harrison heard on the radio that someone kidnapped a bus full of orphans on their way to disneyland, so he ran out to the bike rack so he could pedal to save the children, BUT HE COULDN'T. BECAUSE OF YOU, YA DINGUS."

finally, he got everything untangled and rode off into the sunset with his dreamy hair.

phil and i went back to our dorm, where i tried to remember everything we said, and wrote it down in a letter to the owner of the cursed light blue bike.

and then we taped it to the bike, just for good measure.

just about then, it was time to pick up our girls and go to SIX! PEAKS!

but i got some bad news. 

"Seven Peaks is closed due to an 'impending storm'"

i literally wanted to cry. 

and telling my girls was the worst. they were all super disappointed. I should have taken Dylan's approach, 

"Hey Guys! I have GREAT NEWS!"

"Really?! What's Up?!"

"SEVEN PEAKS IS CLOSED!!!! WAHOOOO!!!!"

"..."

"BUT! no worries! because you get something EVEN BETTER!"

(He's talking to 17 year olds)

"Derek and Rachel rented a toooon....oooooffff..........BOUNCE HOUSES!!"

*earthquaking groan from youths*

i was weak. 

all my girls were mad except one, who had forgotten her bathing suit anyway.

can we please admire this BLUE SKY in the background? 

the weather for the rest of the day was lit.er.a.lly. gorgeous and perfect peaks weather.

ugh.

WHATEVER, SEVEN PEAKS. WE GOT SHAVED ICE AND WATCHED NETFLIX INSTEAD AND IT WAS AWESOME. 

CLEAR BLUE SKIES, FOLKS.

so, like i said, we just hung out all night. for 5 hours, no big deal. and the night ended with me pitching fruit snacks out my two story window to Dylan.

so, it ended well.

Thursday morning was bittersweet, as always. i loved these chikas. 

at lunch, we sat next to this cup of juice with kosher salt filling the bottom. i whipped my camera out because it was so gross and as Derek mocked in a sing song voice, "i wanna remumber this furever!"

true words, brother. 

And people kept asking me if the next week was my last. 

"yup. I'm here til the end of the line"

and it kept right on making me gloomy.

i've grown to love this place.

 I never wanted to leave.