Showing posts with label Tru confessions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tru confessions. Show all posts

Saturday, July 18, 2015

"-porn" as a suffix

There is a trend now a days that I want to talk about.

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Before i do so, i was asked to do a little disclaimer to any younger or sensitive readers. This post contains no pornography whatsoever. Quite the contrary. But I do talk about the effects of pornography that I've experienced and seen in my life personally and through lives of loved ones. 
If that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to scroll past or wait for the next cheery post. 
This is just something I've felt passionately about for some time, and i will not apologize for posting it.
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I’ve seen more and more people add the word “Porn” to the end of a phrase, or to another word to make it a phrase, to mean that something is beautiful, desirable, or thought provoking.

For example: a Facebook page entitled, “Food Porn” that shares daily photos or videos of delicious looking meals or video recipes for refreshing drinks. 
A photo album on the popular site ‘Imgur’ captioned “Earth Porn”, full of breath-taking landscapes and intricate plants. 
Quotes shared with the title “Word Porn” because of the eloquent speech used.
A comment on a photo of a man’s brand new tool set, displayed artfully on a woodworking bench that read, “#ToolPorn” with a heart-eyed emoji.



WHY ARE WE USING THE WORD “PORN” AS A SYNONYM FOR BEAUTIFUL?

WHEN DID “PORN” BECOME THE DEFINITION OF A COLLECTION OF WONDERFUL THINGS?


Maybe some people are unfamiliar with what "porn" even means, or have forgotten.


It’s a shortened version of the word pornography, which is the capturing of sexual experiences via film, photography, audio, or literature for the purpose of arousing an audience not involved in the sexual experience themselves.
That’s what “Porn” is.
So saying that a picture of the Grand Canyon at sunset is Earth Porn literally does not make sense. 
That’s not what bothers me, though.



People are using “Porn” as more than just a shortened word that describes literal Pornography, they are using “-porn” as a suffix that implies satisfaction, beauty, awe, or inspiration.
That is what bothers me.





Trust me when I tell you that:

- Pornography is not beautiful, it is fake. 

                Pornography is designed to look like a real relationship, but it is a lie. The people you are witnessing do not actually love each other, nor are they actually feeling pleasure. They are faking it. It isn’t sexy, because it isn’t sex. Sex is an ultimate expression of love between two people who want to bind themselves together. Pornography is actors, or slaves (which is an entirely separate topic that I will not delve into now) faking love to earn money or keep a certain status, or a myriad of worse reasons. Pornography is a foul, sordid, and counterfeit distortion of sex that forces images and ideas into our minds that we can’t in reality compete with. Pornography kills real love in relationships by replacing actual displays of affection with false expectations of pleasure. It inhibits the ability to feel and experience true beauty of sex with a loving partner. 
                You will feel frustrated that your partner can no longer fill your needs. You will feel confused, because you don’t seem as close to your partner. Something will wedge between you. The love between you may run out. 
                When one person acts this way, the people around them feel the effects. Pornography doesn’t just numb you, it numbs your loved ones. It numbs whole families, which are the foundation of society. When pornography is mainstream in society, it is available to increasingly greater masses of people, it is available to increasingly younger audiences, who have no other expectation for sex, and who grow up thinking that the intimacy they see or hear in pornography is the only kind there is, when it is only really a lewd imitation of actual love. Those younger people will become used to the ideas they see, and base their relationships on false principles that will not stand the test of time and trial.


That is not beautiful. That is shattering.




-                -      Pornography does not satisfy you, it plants a seed of insatiable hunger in your mind 

Our minds react immediately and drastically to the chemicals produced in our bodies when we view, hear, or read pornography. The reaction can only be duplicated a few times with the same effect. After those first few times, our minds and bodies because used to the amount of chemicals, and the fierceness of their entrance. That becomes normal. That becomes the only reaction that is able to arouse us. From then on, our brains need more chemicals, bigger reactions, more intense material, to create the same feeling. 
Our mind can never get enough to be full, because the reactions don’t last.

They are too potent, too fleeting, and too shallow. Unlike true intimacy in love which produces lasting, bonding effects between partners. 
So our mind stays hungry for more.

That is not satisfaction. That is starvation.




-              -        Pornography is not awe-inspiring, it is destructive and addicting.

As I just said, our minds can’t do just one pornographic image. They can’t handle just one movie, one chapter, or one song. After one, our minds demand another, and another, and then our minds start needing another and another, just to feel “normal”. It is not normal. It is corrosive. 
When addicted to any substance, our minds will put that substance at the forefront of our thoughts 24/7. Our brain makes that thing our number one priority, pushing aside real necessities, and relationships with actual precedence, because it thinks we need that thing to survive. It convinces us that we need it to survive. The substance has successfully taken control of our desires and depleted our will power so that we can hardly fight back. We feel like a shell of ourselves, a slave to someone else’s wishes.

That is not inspiring. That is terrifying.




Pornography does not provoke thoughts that improve us, or that encourage us. Pornography provokes thoughts that decompose our ability to feel, that distort our ideals, and that tear apart our real-life relationships - romantic or not.



Stop using “-porn” as a synonym for beautiful or desirable.

Stop spreading the falsehood that pornography is satisfying in any way.

Stop putting pornography in the mainstream of our society for younger and younger people to see and fall prey to.

Stop perpetuating lies about sex and healthy intimacy.



Stop using “-porn” as a suffix.  






Monday, March 2, 2015

Pen Pals

Have you ever met someone and felt like they belonged in your life ages ago? I met several people in 2014 who gave me that feeling, and dear dear Rachel O was one of them. This darling girl just makes my heart happy.

She feels how the month of May looks. 

We met at Sports Camps and i immediately loved her. we became pals, and then she took a week off and i was sad. but she came back, and we had hours and hours of uplifting and connecting conversations. under pine trees behind the IPF, at lunch tables, at check ins, and late into the night in her room when we counseled on the same floor the last week of camp.


It seems like we talked about millions of things. Maybe not, but we did completely open up to each other and our conversations were the kinds that just plain knit people together. 
On the last day of Sports Camps, i packed up my things and started walking home to Cinnamon Tree, trying not to cry. Rachel pulled up in her truck and offered me a ride. i could have kissed her feet, i swear.
On the ride home, somehow we established that we would be pen pals and a states-apart book club. haha.
I think i will be grateful for that spontaneous car ride for the rest of my life, because in it i have gained a true forever friend. her letters fill me up and carry me. I hold her opinions and advice not only in the highest esteem, but dually in my heart. 


This past weekend she came to visit two of her siblings in Rexburg, and made time to see me. I WAS SO HAPPY. Sinceriously, talking to her felt like the most natural thing in the whole world. I just felt incredibly lucky to have a friend who genuinely cares so much about me and in whom i have so much confidence. One day when i see her again, i'll remember to take a decent picture together. We're both pretty stinking good looking if i do say so myself. 
until then, here is this mediocre photo:


Rachel is impressive and kind and has a magnetic personality. I adore her, and appreciate her friendship more than i can say. Her visit was the perfect ending to February, and one of the freshest breaths of air I've ever felt. We were only together for a few hours, but i felt recharged. She gets me. I love that. I value her. 

Thank you for visiting, Rachel. You're such a good human! Thank you for seeing the worth in me!

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

I have angels for friends


I feel like singing. 
I want to climb onto the top of my apartment complex roof and shout as loud as i possibly can because i feel so humbled and grateful and blessed today.

Yesterday was really emotionally hard. Mondays always are because i have the most homework at the beginning of the week. I came home from school and flopped onto my bed, face into my pillow (after i removed my glasses. don't worry, mom.) totally discouraged. and i started to pray just because i literally did not know what else to do, i just had so much to get done and i never feel like i can do it all on my own. 
truthfully i CAN'T do it on my own. 

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I do not talk about it, like ever, but i have dealt with addiction in my life. and most days, especially in Rexburg, i don't even think about it. everything is fine, fine, fine. But then there are days that come out of nowhere, they sneak up behind me and shove me to the ground and it takes literally every ounce of my will to get back up and


 just.                                                                   


get. 

                                                                 
                                                                        away. 


Most days it's not even a problem. 
but some days i feel like i am clawing, shoving, elbowing with my entire heart and soul to get to safety, and i literally feel like i'm fighting for my freedom with everything I've got.

it's exhausting. 
not just mentally and spiritually, i genuinely feel like the strength has been sucked out of my body. I have no motivation or drive. And Everything, even little things like starting laundry or walking out to the living room to get a textbook feels like too much. and i usually get really angry for no apparent reason just because i'm so emotionally on edge. and then i cry because i feel guilty for being mean. and i feel guilty for even considering darkness to relieve some of the stress.

yesterday was one of those days. 

I hate those days. 
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so i laid there on my bed, resisting the emotional wave that was about to crash over me.
after a good cry and a really heart-felt prayer, i tried to do my usual routine that takes me away from the shadows. 

Scriptures. 
journal.
praying my guts out.


still discouraged. about everything. 
and i had million things to do but i just needed to talk to someone.
none of my roommates were home, and i think i was too embarrassed to have confided in them anyway. i almost called Derek, but i didn't want him to be in class. I tried to call my mom and sisters, but my phone doesn't make calls anymore. 

I messaged Mal and Jay
and they came over immediately and i laid in the back seat of Jay's car and cried and yelled and vented and let them baby me for a few minutes. 



angels, both of them. 


and slowly my fear turned to hope.
my distress into peace.
and my tears to laughter. 

and then when i went back in side there was a facebook message waiting from my cousin. and i cried. and emails waiting from my missionary friends. and i cried some more. 

and then i got to babysit Evelyn, and she makes me SO HAPPY. 
Christine made me a GIANT bag of chex mix/puppychow/heaven
all the scriptures i read that night were perfect for my situation
and our Home Evening lesson was just what i needed to hear - focus on serving other people

And today has just been a continuous string of answers to that tearful prayer that i sobbed on my bed yesterday afternoon. 
i was able to finish all of my assignments on time, 
i got back some surprisingly great test scores, 
The school paper comes out on Tuesdays which means: new soduku puzzle
MY HARRY POTTER POP UP BOOK FINALLY CAME IN THE MAIL and it was so beautiful that i was actually speechless. 
the supplies i needed for my current project were way less expensive than i thought
i forgot that i had one more check from my summer work after sports camps, and i saw it on my bank statement today and cried with relief. I CAN GO SHOPPING AGAIN. haha. i neeeeeed some more oranges and broccoli in my life
i have incredible friends
i live in a beautiful town
i am breathing
i have control over my life. I am an agent over my own will.

"10 months older, i won't give in. Now that i'm clean i'm never gonna risk it ... 
Rain came pouring down. when I was drowning that's when I could finally breathe
And that morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean"


Today i feel so much better. 
althought, i usually feel silly after i have a meltdown day. because after the fact, i always wonder if i was over reacting. But i don't think i do. 
fighting for something is hard, no matter the thing. 

fighting for my sanity, my soul, my grades, my relationships, and my future, all at once, is the biggest struggle i've ever known. 



I'll take it one day at a time like i have been. 
good days and bad days. 

i'll always come out on top if i just trust myself and keep on climbing. 

"I. wanna. get. beeeeeetter"






Saturday, November 10, 2012

Happy movies

 Tonight my devil best friend Mallorie made me watch "premonition" with Sandra bullock. stupidest movie EVER. she goes back to save her husband, and kills him by accident instead. SO so dumb. and awful and sad and kind of creepy. i hated her for about an hour. and then i ate an entire pizza.
It all reminded me that i'm very grateful for good happy movies.
I love them, and they love me.
picture overload.


movies with good music, not ominous stuff


















one thing in common? they all have happy endings. 
good ones. 
not that creepy stuff people like to shove at my face -_-