"I'M AN ADULT!!!!"

"I Lived" OneRepublic

thanks, Dwreck, for that goodie. 

this is a collection of mind thoughts from Melissa as she avoids homework and an impending midnight:

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Part I - the truly random

the other dya i grabbed a fruit snack bag, and there was like half of a fruit snack on the outside of the package seal! i was intrigued. 

here he is! the little guy:

CDs from Derek: best. 

I found our old Oregan Trail disk and was STOKED to play it!!

but my computer won't run 64 bit programs....

sadness ensued. 

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Part II - TRains

So i went to LA to Allison's for Memorial day weekend and i have a few comments about my AmTRak ride. i usually love the train. I've gotten used to it, and actually enjoy it. (i used to be terrified of trains. years of riding them to Allison's has cured me, haha.)

DON'T SIT A TALBE IF YOU'RE NOT USING IT FOR ANYTHING BUT YOUR OWN HEAD. UGH. KEEP THAT SPACE FOR BUSINESS MEN OR FAMILIES OR SOMETHING, JERKS. 

(I'm just biased because these two also had rather foul mouths.)

also? one of the conductors walked past me, and literally just uh, TOSSED his hat at me. 

UMM? can you NOT? it landed just like this across from me:

 and then he proceeded to sit RIGHT next to me on this water jug, in the little cock pit. (is that what it's called? there were like 4 conductor people driver things in there. and they were loud. ha. i didn't mind, i just thought it was abnormal.)

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Part III - Grandparents

my four are adorable. I took this picture of my Grandparents Hansen on My birthday. they're s' dang cute.

also, Facebook thought i was my Grandpa:

I mentioned to my Grandpa that i wanted a watch my senior year of high school, and so for my 18th birthday, Christmas 2013, and my 20th birthday, he's given me a watch that he got "for free in the mail". none of them work, but i keep them because he loves me. 

My grandmom Wallwork gave me a bunch of embroidery thread like 3 years ago for Christmas. I was cleaning out my closet and found it. AND I'M USING IT AND I LOVE THIS. 

new hobbies = confidence boost

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Part IV - I'm an 'adult'

apparently, adults are supposed to be on time to work everyday, then come home, clean their house and do their laundry and dishes, and then do their homework, and practice their talents and never do Netflix or Hulu marathons, take naps, eat 150 licorice in one hour, or sleep with their makeup on. 

So today I learned: I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AN ADULT NOW, BUT I NEVER WILL!!!! MUHAHAHA PETER PAN FOREVER!!! I'M JUST A LITTLE LOST BOY, DEAL WITH IT, BRAIN!!! I WILL NEVER ADEQUATELY REMOVE MY MAKEUP BEFORE BED.

that's all, folks!

Boys Who Proved Me Wrong

- On the 17th, i sped to Walmart so i could buy a book before we escaped to Youth Conference. And i ran into this boy named Adrian who i met my junior year of high school at this "breaking down the walls" activity. i was the group leader and we were talking about some pretty deep things. Adrian really opened up to the group even though he previously had been really shy. for the rest of the school year and the one following, we'd wave congenially to one another and chit chat when the opportunity allowed. pleasant acquaintances. He is one of the few people i didn't mind making small talk with because i genuinely enjoy him.
               I saw him at Walmart that day. so i waved, without really thinking about it. and then i thought he didn't remember me. that happens to me a lot, because i remember everyone, even if we were never actually friends. But then he came right up to me and we talked for a good ten minutes while i stood in line. and i enjoyed it. and i'm happy for him that he has a job and direction. It never occurred to me that i would see him again. I didn't expect to. So the sense of fulfillment when we smiled and parted ways again was surprising, but sweet. and i'm grateful for it.

-similarly, last week at jenae's end of the year FFA banquet i passed my friend Ryan Beavers in the hall. I was late, so i wasn't looking at faces as i brisked past but i heard him say, "Melissa Hansen!" and i turned around already smiling because i knew his voice, even after two whole years. we practically ran to each other and it was the kind of hug that has no reservations. completely elated, we laughed there in the echoy hallway for a minute. catching up on life. He's a husband and father on a generous baseball scholarship in Texas, and i am proud for him. He's doing everything he dreamed of. we hugged again, a tight squeezy kind that you pour your whole heart and all your memories into and my feet lifted from the ground a tiny bit. more smiles and chuckles, and then we sat with our separate parties but i was wholeheartedly pleased to see him. maybe because i haven't seen him in two years and even though we were never best friends or anything, we were pretty great pals and seeing him brought back all those good purple high school feelings, i don't know. i just know that i felt good to be reminded of our friendship.

But i guess really, both of these reunions made me happy just because it's nice to know that my friendship meant as much to them as it does to me.
because remember that i am really passionate about people? and so i assume they feel fantastically moderate about me, when i cherish them.

It's nice to be proven wrong sometimes.

Pinky and The Brain

Hi, Melissa's Heart here!
And Brain.

we're trying really hard to work together these days. in the past we've sometimes been bitter enemies,
and other times we've actually been pretty great friends.
Melissa's a great human and we try our best not to shout too loudly at her,
and we really do try to give fair amounts of time to each other to make decisions.
We just wanted to let you know that Melissa is doing great. She's excited about the future, which is good because i feel like there are a lot of changes coming up for her.
She definitely needs to get her life together.
Not that she doesn't now!
She just needs new plans.
right.
anyway, sometimes she doesn't post as often as she wants
because that would be weird and nobody wants to know what someone else is thinking 24/7. especially when it's weird like this is. her heart and head are tag teaming a blog post? that's stupid, we all know melissa is the one moving her fingers over the keys to type this.
But that's just how Melissa is, you know her: weird. 
sometimes she cares about how strange her posts are but today i told her, "WHO CARES. BE WEIRD. BE YOU. we'll tell you exactly what to say, and you type it out, kapeesh?" 
So that's how this happened. 
the point is: it's almost summer, and summer means change.
and we're excited to see where Melissa will go with it.

May Days

May! phew! 

first of all: My mom had a birthday on the seventh!!

here she is, super surprised and excited about her shower head emergency thing from the MacKays!

 an zen it vas mine!

mahm set up this fancy birthday tradition thing outside my door like a dang sneaky snake. 

and then i went to work, sporting a new awesome watch from Weasel

my favorite student, Seth, got me Swedish Fish Candy Canes and a mug :)

hnnnnnggg:

After school, before all my family came over i opened my presents! 

a couple years ago, when derek had presents for me he labeled them wth silly names instead of his own ('Jeremy and Conda from season 13 Biggest Loser' got me a fanny pack, Scooby Doo got me a sweet shirt, and so on.) i decided to give that custom a rebirth. SO glad. haha i did it for my mom, and it was fun. not hilarious, but fun. 

and my mom did it for me. (Queen Amadalla gave me an anakin skywalker keychain, 'the bully next door' gave me concealor "to cover up the black eye he gave you" and $5 "your lunch money he stole" hahahaha)

my favorite one was this one, though, from Jonathan:

1) because hullo this is the most 'jonathan humor' that anything can be. ha. and

2) because the present was a giant tub of redvines. holla. 

we also have this thing where we guess what a present is by holding it on our heads? haha i love it. 

 some of my spoils :) teehee

My mom went to the coast to be with her mother, grandmother and four sisters for the weekened! so much fun! the rest of us spent mother's day evening with our Hansen grandma, who is perfect. 

and when we came home that night, there was a birthday present for me on the porch! an AMAZING thoughtful gift, and this GIANT chocolate chip heart-shaped cookie 0.o
ohmyhappiness, thanks Channa! 

and a shout out to my Grandmom Wallwork who gave me all of this embroidery thread:

 hallelujah. 

and maybe soon i'll post about things have happened in the past few days rather than from a few weeks ago, cause then, you know, you can get real emotions and stuff. haha. I'm slackin. 

Catch Up: Easter Bunny Day and Easter

A family tradition that i hope to carry on:

Easter Bunny Day

My mom wanted to separate the egg hunting, junk food and candy hoarding 'Easter' from the real Easter: 

celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus Christ!

I'm grateful for the distinction.

Our Easter bunny is the cutest. 'they' always leave a good mix of healthy and junk food. 

this was the only egg dying picture i got, because we all dyed at different times and it that afternoon there was some unfortunate bickering as well. And i had an unexpected visitor who kind of threw me for a loop. 

also i'm not a huge fan of hard boiled eggs anyway, so dying them wasn't a great attraction. 

but at least these colors are pretty, right?

#TheDeathlyHallows

my eggs in their glory:

and these to leave you with! not much, i know. easter bunny day with grown up kids is uneventful, haha. 

actual easter was rough for me

but the fact that it was after all, Easter, lessened the blow, because i had something happy to focus on. My grandparents and uncle came over for Easter dinner and afterward we each shared our favorite story from Jesus' life (other than birth, baptism, Atonement, or Resurrection because those are the obvious favorites) in place of our normal sunrise service which was unfortunately canceled due to the fact that it's biggest proponents, me and mom, stayed up until 2 am talking the night before. sorry, mom. but the after-dinner scripture study with the family was cool, too. 

we spent the rest of our night just enjoying each other's company and all our blessings!

Catch Up: Urinetown

the downside of waiting an entire month to post about something is that i can't recall all the words i had in my heart when i planned to write about it. 

So it is wit Urinetown. 

sigh. 

So. In early January i was approached my high school theatre director about being the stage manager for her spring show. i was hesitant, because of the time and stress and dealing with high school kids (who are really only a few years younger than me but seem so immature. because um, hullo, you know me, the pinnacle of sophistication. duh.) but she said she's pay me a little bit. and i had nothing else to do. so i agreed. 

at first i was weary. we live in a pretty conservative town, and a play with a title like, "URINEtown" wasn't exactly looking like it had a chance. there were a LOT of new actors, and the cast just seemed too inexperienced to pull off a Brechtian satire. 

plus, remember what i said about immaturity? truth. 

those first few weeks i drove home discouraged. In addition to being stage manager, i was also running music ("temporarily" turned into - always. until two days before we opened. but i actually learned to love it.) and felt completely useless. i knew the script pretty well but i wasn't about to try and usurp the directors. i like living too much to disagree with Ginger Latimer and Brandon Giles. 

But slowly, this sense of pride started to grow. 

and even thought i dreaded stopping what i was doing (surfing the interwebs or just reading. so nothing.) to leave for rehearsal, once i was there, i was stoked. this is my space. that stage is my second home. i've felt almost every emotion possible there. and i fell head over heels for the arts again. 

not that i ever stopped...

and i LIKED it. i started thinking of it as my job, and decided to put my everything into it. and when i did, it made a total difference. the kids could see that i believed in them, and i like to think that it made them work harder and be better. i tried to love them (even the squirrely one with the foul mouth and vulgar attitude) and it all started coming together. 

i loooove that feeling. 

a show falling into place. 

(one day i had to go on last minute as "The Ghost of Roger Roosevelt". so this happened. hahaha. )

and let me tell you what, i love those kids. every single one of them. i do. and i was so proud of them. 

one of the last nights before we opened, it was a looong night, and there was no time after rehearsal for me to give the cast my notes. So i wrote them all out individually and handed them out with baggies of hershey's kisses and a sign that said, "You're all doing so well, i could kiss your feet!" and then each name tag doubled as their notes for improvement  on the back. 

I just knew that the only way to make them pay attention to the things i wanted them to do differently was to give them candy with it. hahaha.

and on closing night (April 12, 2014), the cast gave me this:

with a giant bag of caramel hershey kisses and a paper that said, "Notes!" with a bunch of compliments and i cried. hahaha.

ALSO?!

you all know that i am a die hard Madera South Stallion. forever. i don't care how cheesy it is. 

BUT.

shout out to those Madera High Coyote actors (especially Joe, we all know he was my dang favorite.) because although i know nothing about who they are offstage in their personal lives, they have incredible work ethic. and they respected Mrs.Latimer and the other adults more than most of the MSHS kids combined. They took all the direction without being offended, and they did everyhtign we asked them to! they were the first offbook, they didn't complain or talk bad about other actors, and they never missed rehearasal. like, ever. they were all fairly new to the stage, too. but you couldn't even tell!

So hats off, coyotes, for proving yourselves tenfold this season. 

YOU THOROUGHLY IMPRESSED ME. 

especially, Joe. i love you, haha. (in a totally not creepy, platonic, you're 17, and i don't really even know you, you're a little boy and i'm in college, brother/sisterly way.)

oh, Urinetown. I love you. thank you for giving me a purpose every day for months and making me happy. 

HAIL MALTHUS!

candles

Mah birthday was awesome. 

If you're feeling small, i'll love your shadow-Oh-oh. when the lights go down, i will stand right beside you

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my family is perfect. i love 'em.

i'll post the pictures tomorrow maybe. or monday? i just wanted to share this bit:

my mom was putting my candles on the brownies (i don't like cake) and she laughed, "you've got a whole conglomeration of candles here, melissa. and these twisty ones are really messy, they're dripping wax everywhere, sorry." but i shrugged, " it fits! i've had a whole conglomeration of years! some striped ones, some twisty fun ones, some messy ones." and then my sweet grandma piped in, "but they all blow out the same, don't they!" she smiled, "and you still get to make your wish."
we all nodded at that.
wise woman.
they sang, i squeezed my eyes shut and wished really hard, and blew all twenty lights out in one breath.
they clapped, and mom cut the brownies while my dad joked, "and poof! a handsome boy appears!" which brought laughs all around. Jonathan teased, "watch, i'd laugh if someone knocked on the door right now!" we chuckled again, and in the pause that followed, the door bell rang.
all our heads popped up, and we cracked up.
It was my friend Edith with a watermelon and some other goodies. she's such a sweetheart.

after all my family left, i watched The Book Thief, which was absolutely BRILLIANT and has lept into my favorite movies club. incredible.

yesterday was a goodie!
happy over here.

19.

first of all, because i like this:


"We sat and made a list of all the things that we had down the backs of table tops;
ticket stubs and your diaries.

I read them all one day when loneliness came and you were away.
Oh they told me nothing new,

But I love to read the words you used."


now:

today is my last teenage day. which i want to praise the heavens for because even though my never ending acne will keep me looking pubescent until the day i die, i hate admitting that i am in fact an age with teen at the end. but a part of me is a little sad, because i have no longer have an excuse for my childish behavior. hahahahaha.
and that ugly "teen" suffix does ward off some creepers. some.
one of "my" students was like, "you can drink in a year!" i threw my head back at that.

ANYWHAY.
here's a photo overload of just me.
me in 19:

(last year on my birthday. there were people making out behind us the entire concert, haha.)

hastag what happened to that shirt? i loved it...

MAN, i am good lookin. 

the scream

quidditch tryouts, obviously. 

 hi, i'm Dorothy Gale/Dorsmae Heinz

me learning to unattractively whistle with my fingers. zits, bother's over sized t-shirt and all.

the "my best friends are leaving on missions and i'm happy for them, but sad for me" face:

i actually really love this picture:

i think it's a pretty common face of mine. and hairstyle. hahahaha

 unnecessarily long hair:

seriously though, that was wild:

mallorie's poor phone has an infinite amount of melissa selfies on it just like this one:

#Fresnowestside 

or something.

LONG LIVE DAVENPORT SCOOTER

AND LONG LIVE THE BURGER KING CROWN

dat stance, doe:

\

single as a dolla, y'all.

the fateful pajama fruit pizza party:

the time i was a stage manager and had to go on last minute as roger roosevelt:

 cut off six inches. i regret nothing. 

 there i was!
and now here i am.
happy birthday to meeeeee.

A WHOLE NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

(oh and PS, i'm tryna win a contest, so i'm sharing this post from Stephanie nielsen's blog. it's about the contest, but you should check out her other posts, too because she's incredible!)