"courage to accept thy will"

mostly i'm happy.

But I miss Rexburg, and having no shame while eating an entire pizza by myself. And it's strange going to Singles ward with no brothers to shield you or laugh with or brag about or tag along with. It's weird not singing with them, or driving with them. "You never know what you've got until it's gone" YUP.

And It's difficult being asked by every. single. person. from your home ward, "So, when are you starting your mission papers?" When you're not planning on going. And that's my decision, and it's okay not to go. But it's hard sometimes. when all your friends are going, and you're not. and people don't want to ask "why not" but you know it's on the tip of their tongue so you feel like you have to explain yourself or make up excuses. I got an answer and I'm sticking with it unless it changes. which it hasn't. 

It's frustrating to wait. to wait for something for SO long and then realize it's never going to happen and you've wasted so much time. Not one of my expectations of my track off from school has been right, and that's hard. Just hoping that you're doing what's right. and praying for answers and getting "Don't worry, It's gonna work out. Just wait and see." 

So I'm waiting.

here.

Just waiting here.

It's testing my patience, I'll tell ya. 

It's hard when you think you're doing all that you're supposed to but not see any immediate results. 

That's faith I guess. and I find courage in small miracles. 

like singing this hymn after a particularly frustrating week:

"As now we praise thy name with song,

The blessings of this day
Will linger in our thankful hearts,
And silently we pray
For courage to accept thy will,
To listen and obey.
We love thee, Lord; our hearts are full.
We'll walk thy chosen way."

 "As Now We Take the Sacrament" Lee Tom Perry, LDS Hymns no. 169 emphasis added

It's hard sometimes.

But mostly I'm happy. and I really don't have to worry about it. It will work out. I can wait. I will see.

It's going to be alright in the end.