Yosemite

I went to Yosemite National Park this past Saturday.

i hope this post conveys all the things i was feeling.

equal parts uncomfortable, sad, giddy, inspired, and confused. 

ha. 

- uncomfortable because it was WET. it was snowing/raining, but the sun was out, so slush was drip...drip....dripping from the trees onto our heads literally the entire time. AND the it's called, "the mist trail" for a reason. the MIST IS REAL, PEOPLE. haha. which made for soaking wet clothes five minutes in. 

- sad because i went with my exboyfriend and our friends who we would always go out with. who are still dating. hahaha. it wasn't awkward, because Ryan's really good at breaking tension. but i was just a little sad. because you know. 

feelings and stuff. 

judge me.

(my glasses were like this the entire time:

fun.) 

[also, stumbled upon this gem:

(his explanation: "well, i was taking pictures of everyone else, and i thought, 'there are no pictures of me! but i look pretty dang cute today! so i took one."

TRUST ME, i don't mind at all. 

ahahahaha)]

(this post is 95% pictures of trees. sorry not sorry.)

- literally GIDDY because of the snow. i wouldn't shut up about it.

- inspired because of the nature, and story i'll tell you in a bit. 

- and confused because boys. haha. and my brain. and specific impressions i'd had that make no sense/make all the sense now. but i guess that part of the inspiring bit, as well. 

I am a strong believer in the unity of God and Nature. 

i can feel His spirit so strongly when i'm in the middle of creations!

true true true.

ANYWAY.

so obviously this trip was a crazy mix of emotions

BUT I LOVED IT overall. 

and i'm really really really glad that i sucked it up and got up at 4:00 am to do it. 

we met early (i was late, as usual.) but it turned out okay, because we were driving through the mountains as the sun was rising and it was EXQUISITE. 

i didn't take any pictures, because i was definitely still 3/4 asleep.

neon blue k swiss shoes. 

 I mentioned the horrible slush dripping, right? yes. 

well, i was an idiot and  don't own didn't wear a sweater with a hood. so i was drenched in icee about .6 miuntes in. Alex graciously offered one of her three hoods, because it unzipped from the rest of her jacket! HALLELUJAH. i am grateful for it, because it kept my head a little more dry than it would have been. 

but i looked like a medieval peasant. 

or wait....

this reminds me of someone specific...

oh yeah, that's right. Bofur the dwarf. 

duh. 

on the plus side: i've found my Tolkein twin! 

we went on a tiny trail first, and then drove around the park for an hour or so trying to find the mist trail trailhead. and i don't want to sound like i'm complaining. because these three are wonderful company, and we were laughing and having fun. 

i was just silently raining on my own parade with self pity thoughts. haha. 

but once we started the actual hike part, like stone steps carved into the mountain instead of just walking on a steep trail, i was happy as a lark. 

I. Love. mountains. 

(awkward chin selfie, yay! :D )

we reached the top of Nevada falls and were going to turn back, because Alex has never been hiking before and she was dying. and we were all soaked. 

but the view was so beautiful! and the next stop, vernal falls, was only another .5 miles up so we kept going. 

(ugh, he's so good looking. punch me. hahaha. )

and here's where things got really hard. 

the steps are steep to begin with, 

but they were also covered in either ice or standing water, so much slipping was involved.

Alex has never been hiking before and was pretty overwhelmed. it wasn't like she expected (in fairness, Mark told her it would be an easy breezy mile long walk up to a waterfall. -_- so, she was blameless.)

my asthma was actually not a problem at all the whole day which surprised me. but by this point, i felt like my legs were going to pop off like an old barbie's. 

plus. 

me and alex are way slower than the boys, so we felt bad and we thought we were holding them back or annoying them, and so we were pretending to be fine, but we were both frustrated. and the boys as usual were being their kind understanding patient selves. "it's totally okay! we can wait for you." "it's really alright, we want to wait for you. we all came together." "we don't mind stopping, don't apologize." were all common phrases for the day. 

we were hungry, too. none of us had eaten yet that day (mistake, by the way.)

i'm just trying to say:

we were all pretty much at the end of the rope. things were lookin bleak. At one point after she fell (right on her shins, poor girl) alex just sat down and told the us to leave her. that she'd wait right there for us to come back. and a tiny part of my head sided with her for a split second. 

but then i just put out my hand and waited until she took it. 

and we kept going. 

the above picture, i was about ready to vomit because i looked right over that measly railing and ryan shook the darn thing, making my heart jump about five feet into the air. and i slammed my whole body against the rock wall in an effort feel safe. didn't work. haha. i was on the edge of a cliff!

Mark jokingly suggested that we think of the pioneers so that we could realize that this was actually easy. 

well, Mark. I don't joke about mormon pioneers. 

haha. 

but i'm grateful he made the joke, because then i actually did start thinking about them. 

and it helped! 

and i thought, "melissa, you silly girl, this is easy. you can so do it."

Alex asked what Mark meant, so i told her a story about a woman named Mary Fielding Smith. and about how Mary crossed the american plains, as the newly widowed mother of  7 children, with God as her only help. and when i finished the story, we'd reached the top. 

we all sat (uncomfortably far apart, haha) and ate our lunches and fell asleep against the railing in the warm sun for a half an hour or so. 

woke up refreshed and DRY! and ready to finish!

and this is the cool story i mentioned earlier. it might sound sad. and it was at first, but the more i thought about it, the more it just encouraged me to try harder and be better:

as we were walking down the slippery steps, we were all pretty quiet. it was a hard bit back. the snow and ice was melting and everything was covered in water. Alex and I fell several times and we were all sore and wet over again. 

Ryan and i were a bit ahead of Mark and Alex, so we waited a few steps off the trail for them. 

And a family walked up. 

disheveled mother.

frustrated father. 

exhausted little boy clinging to his mom's leg.  

they asked me in broken English how much farther they had to go. 

I glanced at Ryan and said, "maybe another mile?"

The father looked as if i'd told him ten. 

"oh. one more mile?"

he and his wife exchanged tired looks and lifted eyebrows. 

Ryan jumped in, "It's less than that. closer to half a mile, I'd say"

the mother gave him a weak smile and they stepped back from us. but we were still waiting for Mark and Alex. i watched the family lean against the mountain and whisper. the father motioned with his thumb in a backward direction. the mother nodded with a sigh as she looked down at the boy, now sitting with his elbows on his knees and chin in his hands. The couple talked for a few more seconds, then both nodded. 

the mother said something to the boy, and the three turned back, and started walking, dejectedly the way they'd come. 

and i watched them walk away until they were around the next bend. 

Mark and Alex reached us just then, so we started walking again. Alex gave me a questioning look but i shrugged, walking on. 

_________________

I thought about that family the whole way down. i kept an eye out for them. I hoped i'd see them right away while we were still close, so i could tell them i was wrong. the end was so much closer than it seemed! I wished i'd said something. tried to encourage them. 

i don't know. 

I wanted to shake them by the shoulders and shout! listen to me! I'm hiking this same trail, too! I've been where you're going! yes! it sucks! I's cold and wet and miserable. the steps are steep and slippery and it HURTS when you fall. i've fallen! It's painful! not just the stone under you, but the cold, too. the water that splashed everywhere and stays on you. and sucks away the warmth. 

you, little family, had come SO FAR! you were almost to the top! but that last bit is the hardest, and it seems so daunting from below. the cliff is so high, and the railings so thin. it looks dangerous. it is dangerous! why would you do it?

why did i do it?

WHY AM I DOING THIS?

Because the view from the end is so worth it. 

Oh, to put into words the feeling of conquering a mountain! 

you forget the falling. 

you don't think about the cold.

you are grateful for the railings. because even though they seemed small, they kept you safe.

you forget the hardness of the journey and you just revel in the fact that you made it. 

you did it.

you look around and you're full of love for the people who came with you, because you did it together.

you respect the people you don't know, too. because you've all just been through the same hard thing. and you know what it took to get where you are. 

you bask in the sun.

you find rest and peace and nourishment.

and when you've conquered your mountain, you go home. 

and on the way back, you encourage everyone else. 

you smile at them on the trail. 

you tell them they're not far. that they can do it. 

you want them to feel what you've felt. that accomplishment and pride at the top. so you push them on.

and at the end of the day, you are full. 

of thanks, of peace, of experience. 

it's tiring, but joyful. and worth every heavy step.

I saw the little family. 

back at the trail head, discouraged and beat. 

It made me sad and a little guilty?

I felt responsible for them not finishing. i told them it was a whole additional mile. 

But then i just felt peace.

it was their choice to go back.

I had the same choice and i finished. 

and as we walked back to the car, my mind made a million tiny connections and comparisons between this literal climb and my figurative climbs. 

I hope every mountain i climb strengthens my soul.

the past few have and i'm so thankful, even though they were awfully rough.

I hope i always find the courage to do hard things. 

and i hope one day, i can stand with everyone i love and be so proud of us all for making it to the top of our mountains. together.

__________________

we drove home singing together for hours, twisting our way down through the Park to the Valley again.

and i thought of all the figurative mountains i've climbed..

and maybe there's a little family or a struggling soul out there reading this, climbing there own mountain today. maybe you've been climbing for a long time already. And though you think you can see the end, though the other travelers tell you you're almost there, you don't believe them. you're ready to give up and turn back.

please, listen to me!

I can't pretend to know exactly what you're going through, but i have been in some dark, miserable, slippery places where it seemed there was no hope or happiness possible on my path.

I have fallen, and felt the hard stone and the cold water that clings to your very heart.

and i'm here to tell you that you can do hard things. 

DONT TURN BACK

the view from the top is worth inexplicably more than all of these steps combined. 

that feeling that you've overcome, and won?

Better than anything. 

But perhaps the most important thing to remember is that  you're not making the hike alone. 

many have gone before you and are willing to help. including the Savior of the world, Jesus Christ.

I might not know exactly what you're going through. 

but He does. 

and He knows exactly how to help. 

ask Him. 

He's helping me climb my mountain, and He can help you conquer yours, too. 

 "There are great challenges ahead of us, giant opportunities to be met. I welcome that exciting prospect and feel to say to the Lord, humbly, “Give me this mountain,” give me these challenges." - Spencer W. Kimball