Moms

I decided for sure today that I'm gonna change my major. which is a big deal for me. I've wanted to be a teacher for a long time. a long time. but In the back of my head i knew that it would only be for the few years before i became a mom, because i knew that i wanted to be a mom more than a teacher in the end. 

That's what it really came down to. 
I knew that i wanted to be a mom more than a teacher.

Honestly i want to be a mom more than anything. Nothing makes me happier than the thought of cooking dinner with a house full of kids running around and then kissing my husband hello when he comes through the door. call me June Cleaver.

Nope, i haven't been brainwashed and no i'm not getting married. 

I have more respect for my mother, and for moms in general, now than i ever could have imagined. Even a year ago i had no way of knowing how hard it is to be a mom. I still don't fully understand, because I'm not a mom. but wow. I seriously just admire mothers so much!

From mid December to mid-april i lived at home and my sister Allison and her three kids lived with us. Allison is having her fourth child and at the beginning of her pregnancy, she was awfully sick. Because i was home all day every day, i helped out with the kids. At first i was overwhelmed and it seemed like a big deal, but very quickly i fell into the routine and honestly i loved it. Sure, there was a couple times when i thought i was going to rip my hair out, But for the most part it was just happy. It becomes so much more personal when you're the one who is playing mastermind with them every day  and making them eat their vegetables and it's a new level of tolerance when you know why they're crying or it's your bed they're crawling into after a bad dream. It builds patience to play Guess Who ten times in a row with a 3 year old or to coax a fussy baby into eating her dinner. 
But really it was just fulfilling. 
And no, i didn't do everything. i would be lazy and hide away in my mom's room watching Lord of the Rings or i'd be on facebook forever. I wish i would have helped more, I wish i would have played with them more, i wish i would have listened to even more of Natalie's stories. 

The best part was just knowing how much these three beautiful kids loved me. and how much i loved them. It was a completely different kind of love than I've ever felt before. Loving a child is something i can't even explain, but i mean, i'm not even their mom! so imagine how much i'm going to love my own kids! i'm so excited. 
I can't wait to be a mom. I can't wait to feel so unconditionally loved. I can't wait to tuck my kids in and chase them around the house and tickle their chubby tummies. i honestly can't wait. not in a desperate way at all, I just cannot see any better thing to do with my life. I mean that in the best way possible. Being a mom is the best (hardest, but still the best) job i can think of. And now that I've had even a tiny glimpse of how amazing it's gonna be to have a family, i just want that. so much. I know it's going to difficult, trust me, i know. But it's worth it. and I've never felt more full or more loved or more useful and in the right place than i did from December to April helping my sister and her kids. I just love them. 

And now I've caught the bug. I want nothing else but to be a wife and mother someday.
blame it on these guys: