This is the ramble that happens when i stay up until 6 am writing because I'm stupid and still a child who procrastinates and complains way too much

(LONGEST BLOG TITLE EVER, WHATEVER)


So i feel like i try not to complain on my blog and then i actually read it and realize that i do a lot of whining. hahahaha, sorry.
(kind of, but not enough to stop.)

Being at a church school makes it mostly easy to do good things, it makes it mostly easy to be happy, to make good friends, and create good habits, but sometimes it just really isn't easy. Like I mean, going to a church school. Sometimes it's really hard. I don't know how to explain it, because there's not just one way to say this but every once and a while i feel like sometimes i become a nobody. In high School, my religion was one of my defining characteristics. 
I also have longer hair than most people, I sing, I play the Piano, I get good grades and I am energetic.

And then I come to an LDS school and all the girls have long hair, they all sing, they all play an instrument (or two) and they all get good grades and most of them are even bubblier and louder than me. and all the girls here are gorgeous (Why are mormons so good looking? just sayin, there are SO many beautiful people at my school.)
and anyway, i feel like a blob with no individuality.
not all the time, just every once and a while and it's usually because i don't feel like doing my hair so i just braid it, which use to be a cool, different thing because in my high school there weren't too many cool braids goin around, so i felt unique. But here, everyone can braid 1000x better and crazier than i can.
I haven't played the piano for fun since April, and that makes me so sad. It's mostly because all of my music is in Madera, but still. Why do i bother going to the lounge to play hymns when whats-her-face can go full on Rachmaninov?
And everyone here (well, 99%) is a mormon, so i don't even stick out because of my long shorts. 

And today was just a horrible day.
heck, it's 6 am and I'm STILL UP WRITING THIS STUPID ESSAY.
The sun is literally rising as i'm writing this. UGH.

and the only thing keeping me from ripping the arms off of a certain boy is knowing that I'd probably be expelled if i did, and that would be a big waste of money.



anyway, i promise i don't just sulk around campus thinking i'm a slug with no personality. I know i'm different and special and all that jazz. I do. I'm just pointing out a cultural snag.
But on the bright side, If you want a generally well-rounded, happy, fun, good looking friend or companion in your life, you can go to the nearest mormon chapel and have a large array of grand specimens on any given Sunday.

And maybe the real reason why i wasn't ripping out anybody's limbs was because of this song that my pal Bret Mortimer introduced me to:

supah happy and chill and it kind of makes me want to literally run/dance all the way down to Walmart while singing 'high school musical 3' to get a new fanny pack, which is like the best feeling, so basically this song makes me the most happy. Thanks Bret Dawg!

okay now i have an essay to finish before my class in a little bit, so bye.


AND WHY IS MY BLOG BLACK AND GRAY? nothing i can do to change it. whateva whateva