Christmas came early today for BYU-Idaho students!
Jeffrey R. Holland came to speak at our weekly Devotional service.
and he said, "Just another day in Paradise. Rexburg. those are synonyms."
i'll be using that quote for the rest of my life, haha. too good.
also, i'm really eager for Conference now.
Uhmm, the beginning of school is hard for me. always. because hullo, i'm starting a bunch of new classes and trying to figure out how to balance those particular classes with my new friends and home life and still have time to like, you know, eat and breathe and sleep an stuff.
I always get pretty stressed out and discouraged.
I'm pretty sure that's a normal feeling - the straining inadequacy.
but no one talks about it because we don't want to sound whiny.
hi, this isn't for extra attention, but i'm just saying: STARTING SCHOOL IS ROUGH.
IT'S REALLY HARD ON ME.
It's fun meeting new people and it's exciting to feel new or recharged, but it's also a wrestle.
so yes, this semester i felt overwhelmed, as was expected.
i just kept thinking to myself, "it's okay, you've gotten through this every time before. you can do it."
because it's true! you stumble around for the first few weeks, DYING INSIDE because there are 12 million things going on and then all of a sudden, you're completely fine. you're having fun even. and it makes the strain of the beginning seem dim. and you wonder when the switch was flipped.
THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET.
hahahha
but it's the sunrise on the other side of the mountain, and i can see it coming. that's what i keep coming back to. It will be okay. it will get better. keep going. I believe those things, but it's still been tough. and in preparation for devotional today, I just pleaded that i'd be open to whatever message was given. that i'd get something out of it.
That it would answer my questions.
that it would encourage me.
It was perfect.
it did all of those things.
He surprised me, actually. He's a spit-fire, that Elder Holland. He's very firm.
but he can also be delicate, and he showed that side today. I was so thankful for that. i don't know if my discouraged heart could have endured a verbal rebuke or expansion of some complex doctrine.
He looked out at the audience with tangible compassion, and spent thirty too-short minutes talking about how to live in the pursuit of happiness. He was just so encouraging! When he explained his warm feelings for BYU-Idaho and its environment, he paused, and with a tender voice said, "Thank You. Thank You for being who you are." I was on the verge of tears because i felt so individually spoken to. And the way He explained things was as if he knew exactly how i'd been feeling. He'd been right there in my trying-real-hard-not-to-be-sad shoes and read my heart and then spoken as if directly to my fears and questions.
God answers prayers.
I was so comforted.
and at the same time, it was kind of like somebody picked me up and gave my shoulders a good hard shake. When Elder Holland said that true lasting happiness is almost always a by-product of following Jesus Christ, i knew he was right. He outlined examples from the scriptures of people who were doing what was right and were happy as a result of their diligence.
and in my mind, I was cheering at each line.
'YES! that's true!'
'I've felt that in my life, too!'
'I know that's right!'
and at the same time, it was just like, DUH, MELISSA. YOU KNOW THIS. WHY HAVE YOU STOPPED DOING IT.
i've been so confused as to why i'm not over the moon happy like i was in Provo.
I'd stubbornly come to the conclusion that it's because i don't live near Derek anymore, and that i'm not being a missionary and etc etc
and then Elder Holland reached into my brain and pulled out all the dust bunnies, and i heard it clearly, "Above all else; ultimate happiness, true peace, anything even remotely close to scriptural joy are found first, foremost and forever in living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. ... Do what you know you should be doing! ... Blessings will come. They might come right now, they might not come for many years down the road, maybe your blessings won't come until you're in Heaven, but they WILL come. ... Someday, somewhere, you will have every righteous desire of your heart as you live the commandments."
_______________
in early 2013, i had some serious inner ear problems, and for about a month i was deaf in my right ear. It was scary and sad and i didn't really talk about it because i didn't want pity.
then one night, i was singing -really loudly- in my kitchen. i belted out a high note and there was a sound in my right ear like i can't explain.
something between thunder and a huge wave.
full volume.
in a space of ear deeper than i knew was there.
I remember my vision blurring and me crumpling to the floor with a groan, and clutching the side of my head because i genuinely thought that my jaw had snapped or something. what could have made that kind of noise?! but as i clutched my face, i HEARD my fingers against my skin, and all else was unimportant. i HEARD my hair rustle. I heard myself scoff in surround sound.
I heard.
I heard!
something happened, something popped or moved or disappeared or I don't know what, but I heard.
for the first time in weeks, i recognized sound in that ear. I slumped even closer to the tile and just plain cried for a minute because i was so relieved.
__________________
Devotional today felt like that.
something popped or moved or disappeared or i don't know what, but i heard.
"Melissa, you're not as happy as you were at Sports Camps because you're not being your best."
" you can still be better."
"Melissa, keep reading your scriptures. start praying every day again, and be sincere about it."
"It's like riding a bike."
"You can do it! You can be that happy again!"
"Do what you know you should be doing!"
it seems so simple, but sometimes it's just so hard to remember.
God calls living Apostles to speak to His Children, no matter who those are.
maybe they're children in a tiny village in Africa, maybe they're old men in fishing boats off the coast of Japan. Maybe they're students at BYU-Idaho. God wants all of them to hear His love for them.
today i heard.
today i heard His love say, "you are so much better than you give yourself credit for."
"You can do this! i believe in you!"
"Thank You for being who you are"
Jeffrey R. Holland came to speak at our weekly Devotional service.
and he said, "Just another day in Paradise. Rexburg. those are synonyms."
i'll be using that quote for the rest of my life, haha. too good.
also, i'm really eager for Conference now.
Uhmm, the beginning of school is hard for me. always. because hullo, i'm starting a bunch of new classes and trying to figure out how to balance those particular classes with my new friends and home life and still have time to like, you know, eat and breathe and sleep an stuff.
I always get pretty stressed out and discouraged.
I'm pretty sure that's a normal feeling - the straining inadequacy.
but no one talks about it because we don't want to sound whiny.
hi, this isn't for extra attention, but i'm just saying: STARTING SCHOOL IS ROUGH.
IT'S REALLY HARD ON ME.
It's fun meeting new people and it's exciting to feel new or recharged, but it's also a wrestle.
so yes, this semester i felt overwhelmed, as was expected.
i just kept thinking to myself, "it's okay, you've gotten through this every time before. you can do it."
because it's true! you stumble around for the first few weeks, DYING INSIDE because there are 12 million things going on and then all of a sudden, you're completely fine. you're having fun even. and it makes the strain of the beginning seem dim. and you wonder when the switch was flipped.
THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET.
hahahha
but it's the sunrise on the other side of the mountain, and i can see it coming. that's what i keep coming back to. It will be okay. it will get better. keep going. I believe those things, but it's still been tough. and in preparation for devotional today, I just pleaded that i'd be open to whatever message was given. that i'd get something out of it.
That it would answer my questions.
that it would encourage me.
It was perfect.
it did all of those things.
He surprised me, actually. He's a spit-fire, that Elder Holland. He's very firm.
but he can also be delicate, and he showed that side today. I was so thankful for that. i don't know if my discouraged heart could have endured a verbal rebuke or expansion of some complex doctrine.
He looked out at the audience with tangible compassion, and spent thirty too-short minutes talking about how to live in the pursuit of happiness. He was just so encouraging! When he explained his warm feelings for BYU-Idaho and its environment, he paused, and with a tender voice said, "Thank You. Thank You for being who you are." I was on the verge of tears because i felt so individually spoken to. And the way He explained things was as if he knew exactly how i'd been feeling. He'd been right there in my trying-real-hard-not-to-be-sad shoes and read my heart and then spoken as if directly to my fears and questions.
God answers prayers.
I was so comforted.
and at the same time, it was kind of like somebody picked me up and gave my shoulders a good hard shake. When Elder Holland said that true lasting happiness is almost always a by-product of following Jesus Christ, i knew he was right. He outlined examples from the scriptures of people who were doing what was right and were happy as a result of their diligence.
and in my mind, I was cheering at each line.
'YES! that's true!'
'I've felt that in my life, too!'
'I know that's right!'
and at the same time, it was just like, DUH, MELISSA. YOU KNOW THIS. WHY HAVE YOU STOPPED DOING IT.
i've been so confused as to why i'm not over the moon happy like i was in Provo.
I'd stubbornly come to the conclusion that it's because i don't live near Derek anymore, and that i'm not being a missionary and etc etc
and then Elder Holland reached into my brain and pulled out all the dust bunnies, and i heard it clearly, "Above all else; ultimate happiness, true peace, anything even remotely close to scriptural joy are found first, foremost and forever in living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. ... Do what you know you should be doing! ... Blessings will come. They might come right now, they might not come for many years down the road, maybe your blessings won't come until you're in Heaven, but they WILL come. ... Someday, somewhere, you will have every righteous desire of your heart as you live the commandments."
_______________
in early 2013, i had some serious inner ear problems, and for about a month i was deaf in my right ear. It was scary and sad and i didn't really talk about it because i didn't want pity.
then one night, i was singing -really loudly- in my kitchen. i belted out a high note and there was a sound in my right ear like i can't explain.
something between thunder and a huge wave.
full volume.
in a space of ear deeper than i knew was there.
I remember my vision blurring and me crumpling to the floor with a groan, and clutching the side of my head because i genuinely thought that my jaw had snapped or something. what could have made that kind of noise?! but as i clutched my face, i HEARD my fingers against my skin, and all else was unimportant. i HEARD my hair rustle. I heard myself scoff in surround sound.
I heard.
I heard!
something happened, something popped or moved or disappeared or I don't know what, but I heard.
for the first time in weeks, i recognized sound in that ear. I slumped even closer to the tile and just plain cried for a minute because i was so relieved.
__________________
Devotional today felt like that.
something popped or moved or disappeared or i don't know what, but i heard.
"Melissa, you're not as happy as you were at Sports Camps because you're not being your best."
" you can still be better."
"Melissa, keep reading your scriptures. start praying every day again, and be sincere about it."
"It's like riding a bike."
"You can do it! You can be that happy again!"
"Do what you know you should be doing!"
it seems so simple, but sometimes it's just so hard to remember.
God calls living Apostles to speak to His Children, no matter who those are.
maybe they're children in a tiny village in Africa, maybe they're old men in fishing boats off the coast of Japan. Maybe they're students at BYU-Idaho. God wants all of them to hear His love for them.
today i heard.
today i heard His love say, "you are so much better than you give yourself credit for."
"You can do this! i believe in you!"
"Thank You for being who you are"
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