February Whirlwind

 I forgot this photo from the Valentine's Day dinner:

Orange Hi-C because Rexburg McDonalds doesn't have Blue Powerade. sin. 

also this one, because it was from Sophia's phone, but GOLLY do we look good. 

I love this girl.

shout out  to her for making me juice and bringing me donuts after work.

saints, mah roomies. 

remember my FHE boys from last semester? maybe not. but i still love them, and still spend time with them. they make me smile. 

the other weekend, 4/6 of them were gone, so Sophia, some other friends, and I, joined the remaining boys to recreate a typical morning in Bunkhouse #16 and then we sent the panorama to the missing roommates with the teasing caption, "you're so replaceable." 

I'm on the couch in front of the window as Cameron.

the next day when his roommates returned, Trevor texted me this completely candid photo.

tell me we didn't perfectly pose as them. 

try and tell me. 

Speaking of Trevor Sweat, he wrestles on a club team here and we went to go watch him the other day. wrestling makes me queasy - so many almost broken necks! but i went because i stinking love the guy. We made him signs, and screamed when he totally thrashed his opponent. he blushed. he's kind of shy, so we definitely embarrassed him. aka mission accomplished. 

One night Stephanie and her boyfriend had a really happy day, and we all laugh-cried until 3 am because we were so happy and relieved and excited and grateful. 

#TeamConnor 

I genuinely love him like he's my own family. Steph, if you're reading this, i know me talking about your future might be feel weird since you're not engaged (yet, muhaha), but you and Connor must name one of your very future children after me, the end. 

Speaking of Stephanie, we're both teaching preschool right now, and i'm grateful for it. grateful to have someone who knows exactly how hard i work and what i think about and what i go through, etc. love this girl so much. 

several times, i've experimented with sensory materials at home before i try it out at preschool. Other times i bring home things that were a hit at preschool so that i can keep them. No, i'm not keeping the preschool's materials. i'm not a dang thief. these are things that i've made for my students that went well, so i'm keeping them to use again. the ones that don't go well i toss.

a thing that went extremely well:

SLIME.

the children LOVED it. and so did we! :)

and speaking of preschool:

***

I LOVE IT SO MUCH. 

I LOVE IT SO STINKING MUCH. 

It makes me happy. because every day, i feel more prepared to teach children of my own. I can't wait to be a mother. I can't believe that i could be trusted to raise such pure little souls, but i can't wait. 

this is me with our pet tarantula, Webby

We had a week on creatures. I taught about worms one day (AWESOME. real worms. lots of them.), and the other 2 days were about Geckos and spiders respectively. always real animals. 

the kids LOVE webby. she's in our classroom every other week. i enjoy it.

I obviously won't say any names of details, but some of the children i teach have hard lives. It just breaks my heart some days, to see them come in so visibly trodden down. It's difficult for me not to get emotional when they are so obviously just in need of love. I try to give 150% of myself for them. I can't fix their broken homes, i can't stop the bad things in their lives, but i can be a good thing in them. I can be a stable relationship, a loving relationship, i can be a person who listens to them and holds them and looks them in the eye with care and respect. I can be someone who stands up for them and protects them and helps them learn and grow. 

That makes me feel so good. 

I love teaching. 

i love children. 

I love this part of me. this mothering, nurturing part of me. 

It's crazy. 

obviously, this is nowhere near motherhood, but the way i love these children is unreal. I honestly didn't know it was possible to love another human being as much as i honestly cherish and adore these kids. I work hard for them. i pray to know what they need and how i can teach them and help them and love them. 

It's exhausting. 

But the most rewarding thing I've ever done. 

and if i love these children this much, i literally can't understand how much i will love my own babies some day. I can't fathom loving anyone more than these kids.

But every day, when their parents come to pick them up, the way they light up makes my heart long for a dear little one to look at me that way. 

no matter how much i love them during the few hours they're with me a day, they're not mine. 

they will never be mine. 

and when they see their mom or dad standing at the cubbies, it's a true, deep love. It's a look that makes you believe that families should be forever. because how in the world could a loving God break the bond that is so plain and beloved in the eyes of a reunited mother and child? 

I want to be a mother so badly. 

I can't wait.

***

__________________

Hi my sister Katrina, you're about to have a baby. literally any day now. and i am thrilled for you. you are so brave and strong!

you're such an incredible mother! I love you!

__________________

I decided that taking pictures of my current cuts and bruises is a great way to tell stories that i would have otherwise forgotten about.

this pretty much healed knee was coooooovered in cuts and bruises from a soccer fall a week or so ago. 

PSA:

CROCS (that are 3 years old and have zero traction left) ARE NOT GOOD SHOES FOR PLAYING SOCCER IN. YOU'LL PROLLY FALL AND YOUR KNEE WILL BE GRAPEFRUIT-SIZED FOR A COUPLE DAYS.

and you'll rip a hole in your roommate's super warm nice sweats, which bites. 

but you might get a cool heart-monitor looking patch of tiny scars out of it. 

so that's cool. 

more soccer bruises. 

oh yeah, hey mom, i play soccer. 

well, correction:

I play crappy goalie, and my friends are really good at defense, so i don't really ever have to worry. i also sometimes am forced to like, actually run and stuff as a halfback. I'm seriously awful, but it's actually pretty fun just to be silly with my friends in 2 degree weather.

Two in one!

A) the scab on my thumb is from belaying during a rock-climbing date.

B) the burn is from my curling iron the night of the McDonald's dinner. it burnt me in 3 places on my thumb, as well as one on my pointer finger and wrist as it fell.

we rearranged our living room the other day. it was in great need of  a face-lift. but we couldn't move the one million pound entertainment center, so i called Trevor Sweat, "Hey, Melissa, what's up" and then i heard his roommate blake talking int he background, so i knew they were both home. I said, "Hi, can you come help us move some furniture super quick?" "of course! we'll be right there."

but a second later, we saw 6 sets of legs walking in front of our window. all 6 of them had made the trek across the parking lot to help us. they did all the work in about 2 minutes, which probably would have taken us 20. and I was grateful for their help, but even more so, i was just thankful for them in general. This was the perfect example of their general love and hospitality.

Stephanie went home on Valentine's day weekend, and came back with crocs. #converted

a few months ago i put a picture of this same chapstick on my blog, explaining that i like it because i can see the balm lessening as i use it. it's like a battery icon or a power level bar. i don't know. i just relaly like it. and it's almost gone now, so i had to document it. I feel like i've accomplished the impossible by not losing a chapstick before i finish it, haha.