I like me

"Gold" from my new obsession, ONCE the new Broadway musical 

I got in a facebook argument yesterday. I never do that, because people look stupid when they argue with strangers over the internet. but UGH.

so a friend of mine who has struggled with serious eating disorders in the past posted a picture of her one-year-healthy self with the caption, "I think I'm pretty and there's nothing wrong with that."

and someone commented, "wow. that's cocky."

i thought maybe they were joking but her further comments made it clear that she was not. 

so i got in an argument with a stranger and was a little embarrassed by it, but only a little.

because, seriously?!

women are connnnnstantly fed ideas of beauty and are told, "you should think you're beautiful!". but hardly ever think that. my friend so adamantly disagreed with those ideals that she was harming her self to become what other people perceived as 'pretty'. she overcame that and finally thinks she is beautiful just for being her and you're going to tear her down? 

In my spanish 2 class in high school our teacher was listing off adjectives and we had to raise our hands if we thought we fit that description. when she said, "bonita" only one girl raised her hand. 

that one girl was named Alisha and yes, she is Bonita. she also has a lovely heart, which makes her even more beautiful, but anyway. I was happy that she raised her hand because i respected her, but someone whispered that she was conceited and our teacher freaked out.

"Chicas, you are ALL beautiful! and I'm not just saying that! And Alisha, be proud of yourself."

and i agree with her. 

yes, having good confidence is unfortunately abnormal today. but goodness, why on earth would someone tear down someone else for being happy with their looks? I know some people are just straight up cocky, but if a girl is honestly just confident, there is a noticeable difference and that's a GOOD thing!  It's GOOD for girls to think they are attractive. YOU GO, ALISHA. and YOU GO, CHARITY.

grrr.

My Roommate Mallorie is in a Humanities class this semester, and she had a photography assignment this week. Me and our friend handsome friend Chad were her victims. 

and for the record, she told me super last minute the day before it was due, so yes, i am wearing this:

ha. the best part is that i definitely would have been wearing almost the exact outfit even if she had told me weeks prior. CROCS AND TSHIRTS FOR DAYYYYYS.

"one day I'll be a grown up and wear pants even when I'm at home.

BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY"  - Aragorn The Return of the King

ANYWAY.

 I usually don't like pictures that other people take of me because i don't feel like they look like me. But i like these, because I'm actually smiling, and I feel like this is how i actually look; little makeup, men's clothing, smiling. the only things these are missing is a fanny pack and my hair in a ponytail on the TOP of my head.

I do not like talking about my face. I feel uncomfortable talking about my looks, because people who talk about their looks too much are labeled 'stuck-up' or 'insecure'.

nobody ever taught me how to do makeup or which hairstyles or clothes were stylish.

and i'm grateful for that.

thank you mom for letting me always wear whatever the heck kind of styles i wanted to. thank you for embracing my differences and my boldness. I have a unique taste, and i'm glad that you just always let me be me. you never told me that my clothes were ugly or that i should wear this certain outfit to this certain thing because it was cuter. 

thank you for that.

Nobody ever told me what styles were in and what wasn't. i will NEVER be able to say how grateful i am for that, because it let me form my own opinions and create my own style. 

I am not perfect at all, i have a lot of characteristics that might rub people the wrong way but nobody can say that i am a sell out or a phony or a sheep or anything other than my own dang self. I am very much my own person and I am true to myself.

I like myself. i haven't always. but i do right now. 

and i like these pictures of me. I think they're cute, so they're going here.

i'm blessed with family who have never made me feel like anything less than a million bucks. My parents raised me to believe that i am a Daughter of God. I think i am. and that in and of itself makes me beautiful. sounds cheesy, but it's true. 

My big brother Derek is a giant reason why i am confident. He doesn't know it, but he is. 

He came home from his mission and i had been dressing 'weirdly' for awhile. I mean, my mom and friends thought it was weird. I thought it was cool, and i haven't changed my mind. but Derek came home and just embraced my wardrobe for what it was. heck, he jumped right along beside me! He bought me fanny packs and encouraged my sweaters and old dresses. He said "dawg". he listened to my weird music. he drove me to every thrift store around, he egged me on into getting crocs, he complimented me because he could see my personality coming out through my dress, and he could see that it made me really happy to dress the way i felt. When he came home from his mission, Derek saw that i was way into pottery and other art, so he bought me paint and canvases for Christmas and then drooled over everything i did. He read my blog and called me brave for putting my feelings on the internet. He nudged me along in singles ward and helped me break out of my comfort zone and make friends and do hard things. He lit a fire inside me for spreading the Gospel of Christ. He is probably the biggest contributor besides my parents to my self-image.

Thanks, Dawg.

So I've been blessed with incredible people who have lifted me up my entire life.

because of that, I like myself.

I don't like it that people in the world are always shoving beauty standards down my throat.

I am tired of being told what i should do to be pretty.

I don't like it that some people think that I'm cocky for thinking I'm beautiful in my own way. 

what a double standard! 

"you should be proud of your looks, girls! you are gorgeous! everyone is! have some confidence!"

okay, i will!

I think i'm beautiful, and there is nothing wrong with me thinking that.

THERE ARE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY APPEARANCE, AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT, STRANGER ON FACEBOOK! BECAUSE I'M BEAUTIFUL, ALRIGHT? THESE ARE THE THEM: 

I have a dimple on the left side of my mouth, above my lip but under my cheek. i have slight dimples in my cheeks. more like laughter lines than dimples, and the one on the left is more pronounced. and i have one on each side of my chin and the right one is more pronounced

 (i like them a lot, but you can't always see the ones on my chin in pictures cause they look like acne scars.) 

 light freckles over my nose and the tops of my cheeks

I have dark lips and i think they're pretty.

I really like my eyes. I think that Brown is great. same goes for my hair. i like that my hair gets darker the closer it is to the roots, and I've never dyed it, it's just like that. i like it.

 art hands

my smile

my shoulders are broad and strong

i used to have a freckle on my forehead, a little to the right of the middle (just like Harry Potter's scar). i have no idea what happened to it, but i definitely had one when i was younger. 

my legs in my brown jeans

my fingernails 

my nose is a good medium size

I think I'm beautiful, and that's a good thing for a teenage girl to think.

and you're beautiful, too, dang it. and you should tell me what you like about yourself.