July 31 is Harry Potter's Birthday. He's 34, today.

I have a Provo bucket list! i've only done like three of the things on there. haha. but one of the things was to go to a bunch of the million temples that are so close to me!

 July 18th I went to Mt.timpanogas! we went with a few other people from our ward/complex.

That's my roommate, Leah! she's so sweet!

I love temples. they're the prettiest things. all of them. 

I painted Jenae's eye that day porque i was bored. doesn't really look like her, but it's a cool eye. 

so there's that. 

I spend most of my weekends doing homework. which is bummy. 

that weekend, after we went to the temple i did a bunch of homework and then my friend Jeff invited me over to make a sandwich, because i told him about how particular i am with mine. ha. 

He only had Swiss cheese. it was my first experience with that kind. 

once i got past the slimy-ness, it was great!

and he made Kool-aid! awesome!

a few hours later, Derek, Dylan, Rachel, and I saw Captain America 2, and that was fun. 

I'm not a huge fan of Marvel movies, (i know, i know, hate me all you want. whatever. DC for life.)  but Captain America i tolerate because hullo, America. although i HATE black widow and was annoyed that she was such a big part. but oh. well. 

also, it was in 3D. 

I wear regular glasses. 

is there any way for that not to be weird?

nope. 

no there is not. 

So i had double glasses for a couple hours and i'm sure i looked SUPER HAWT. 

mmm mmm mmm

Saturday night Derek and I were going to watch Planet of the Apes (the 2011 or 12 one) but some people in the complex were begging him to play volleyball in the quad. and since he's nice, he did. 

I'M SO GLAD WE DID!

I'm horrible at volleyball. i warned them all in advance. but they let me play anyway and it was a blast. 

I've mentioned this a million times before but i'm always really grateful when Derek's friends automatically accept me, too. It makes me thankful for Derek at the same time. i mean i'm thankful that he's kind and people enjoy him, because it automatically gives me a good reputation. which i have FULLY taken advantage of this summer. haha. 

once someone hit the ball onto the roof, Derek and I watched our movie anyway. 

i usually get freaked out by big monkeys (thank you Curtis Anderson and "Planet Earth")

BUT THIS MOVIE WAS AMAZING AND I WANT TO SEE THE NEXT ONE IN THEATERS REAL BAD. i'm trying to convince Derek and Dylan to go with me even though they saw together on a little brodate earlier in the month. 

________

IN OTHER NEWS, HAPPEE BIRTHDAE HARRY!

ALL HAIL QUEEN ROWLING! LONG LIVE THE QUEEN! LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!

The BlueBirds

This was my group the week of 7/14

I LOVED THAT WEEK. 

so good. 

Monday after practice (they were softball girls) we had our usual meeting about rules and stuff. I told them how happy i was to be there and that they were there! and i just had a good feeling about this group. 

after dinner we voted about a name and it was completely unanimous, "THE BLUEBIRDS!!!"

uhmm, okay?

i never ever would have suggested that, but alright. 

some people are just real passionate about birds, i guess.

we ended up watching an old disney channel movie because they were worn out and just wanted to chill.

Wish Upon A Star it is. 

i lay on the floor. with mah fanny pack as a pillow. 

mmm that pale leg, though. 

alright. 

so Derek and Rachel made THESE videos for our campers. they're hilarious and you should definitely go admire their skills on a giant screen. 

one of the videos mentions that in the dorms you'll get a chocolate placed on your pillow every night. and one of my girls literally brought chocolate to put on everyone's pillows every night. 

see what i mean?

adorable. 

it was a good week. 

tuesday morning I forgot my glasses when we went to breakfast and i spent the entire half hour squinting at people and consequently looking really angry. my girls finished eating early so i sat with Derek and Dylan. Derek likes to mess me with at meals. It helps both of us. Derek gets to get his pent up frustration out on someone harmlessly, and i get to stay humble. 

That morning, he thought it'd be really funny to pour ketchup in my syrup to that i couldn't finish my french toast sticks. 

thanks, jerk. 

hahaha. 

it was actually really funny, and Mitch gave me his left over syrup, so i was good. but i just really wanted to include this picture because it's a perfect example of what Derek does to me every day. but it makes me feel cool, actually. hahahaha. Porque he's cool, and my brother, and he doesn't shove Tater-tots in anyone else's face or chew on other people's split ends. so there's that. 

I just wanted to emphasize that i had EIGHT.TEEN. GIRLS. that week. 

18. 

eighteen girls.

hi. 

18 girls. 

let me just say it one more time because i don't know if i spoke loud enough. 

EIGHTEEN CHILDREN TO TEND.

okay. 

i felt like i was leading a small army. 

we could have overthrown the Provo city hall and taken over. 

at least the walk to the softball fields from the dorms was super short, so i couldn't have possibly lost any of them on the way to practice!

half of my girls were 12-14 and the other half were 16&17, so that was interesting. my little ones were NUTS. Tuesday morning they tore pod-things from one of the trees on our way to practice and were scratching my back with them. haha. it felt really good, so i didn't mind. i love having my back scratched. but then they started sword fighting and someone's eye was about TWO SECONDS from being punctured, so i asked them nicely to put them away. 

Tuesday night was a BLAST. 

half my girls came to the dance with me, and i dropped off the other half at the talent show. muhaha

 model status, though. 

 also, please enjoy this phone-grainy photo of the twin towers. 

again, i say:

#DerekandDylanForevah

long live the bromance.

SIX PEAKS IS MY FAVORITE DAY OF EVERY CAMP.

I don't know why, because half of them have been rained out, but i just love chlorine, alright? i don't know. and this is the first bathing suit i've ever had that i've felt 100% A-okay in. (thanks, Rach)

and my girls were so fun this week, that i was way excited to go with them. 

While getting off the bus, some of my girls were separated and got off way before me, but i hadn't pointed out the meeting place or explained the pizza rules, and i was starting to hyperventilate because i knew once they were off that bus, they'd be long gone into the park.

But then, i saw the girls who'd excited early just standing there patiently waiting for the rest of us and i seriously wanted to cry because this week was SO. MUCH. EASIER. than the previously week. these girls. i said a quick "thanks you" prayer and snapped a picture, too, before we got off.

 MINUS THE AWFUL EXPOSURE THANKS TO STUPID PICASA

i love this picture porque i love love loved these girlies. some of my older ones. so fun and happy. 

2 post-6-peaks stories: 

1) we waited for FORTY-FIVE minutes for one girl. I'd gone back into the park 3 times to look for her, we'd all called her, no luck. 

so I jokingly said to my girls, "hey, i bet that if we all pick a piece of trash, Heavenly Father will send ______ to the pavilion, and we can go back."

so we all picked up trash. they gave their trash to me. i went and threw it away. and AS I WAS TURNING BACK AROUND, THERE WAS THE GIRL. 

i busted up laughing at all my girls' faces. 

they definitely thought i was a prophet. 

2. My friend David was a counselor over the diving boys, and they were near us while waiting for the buses. the boys were all doing flips and stuff to impress the girls. then this little dude gets up and is flippy flopping all over the dang utah valley. 

my younger girls were smitten. 

he got all but one of their numbers, and they all took pictures with him. 

he looks nine, but i promise, he's 15. 

yup, 15. 

also, i've been super surprised/blessed to have a ton of non-LDS girls in my groups. I actually really like the mix of mormons and non-mormons. it makes our nightly devotionals way better, because there's actual discussion and questions and i get to really talk about my favorite things!

I have so many cool stories from the non-LDS girls that i've gotten to know at camps this summer. 

in my bluebird group there were 6 non LDS girls. a whole 1/3! i was happy. 

after devotional on Wednesday, one of my girls approached me and asked if we could talk. 

we'll call her Jill. 

she told me that she had been having really bad nightmares. and that she hadn't really been sleeping because she was scared and would have creepy thoughts as she was trying to fall asleep. she didn't want that to happen at camp, because she'd been having such a good time. 

I gave her a big giant hug and got choked up as i told her that i had the exact same feelings when i was her age, and how still sometimes now, i have bad nightmares. 

we talked about the movies she watches, because she'd mentioned all the horror films she loved. 

i told her those probably weren't helping the situation. 

she confided that her mother laughed at her when Jill tried to explain her nightmares. 

that made me sad and angry. 

I sat down with her and we read a little bit from the New Testament, because Jill mentioned that once or twice she had read from the bible to calm herself and it had worked. 

and then we prayed together and i promised her that everything was going to be okay. 

we talked for a little bit more about what she could do to distract her mind. i suggested some songs that help me think of happy things. 

and i walked her to her room, arm in arm. 

and i decided that if this was why i had horrible dreams and night thoughts for years, so that i could be there for this one girl, then i'm grateful that i went through that, so she didn't have to feel alone.

so i told her that.

______________

And then i wondered if this is a tiny bit like how Jesus feels. 

he felt all the things i've ever felt, and that would be awful to feel all at once! But because He did it, He's able to comfort me, because He's been there, too. And I wondered if He feels that surge of love for me when i come to Him and ask for help. If He is grateful in that moment that He's felt the same thing so that He could give me hope.

I like to think that's true. 

______________

it was a sweet little moment.

I LOVE MY JOB. 

Thursday at lunch they had pizza, and it was the bomb .com, so obviously i had to document it. and Shanna, because she's a babe. hullo. 

ANOTHER AMAZING THING THAT HAPPENED THAT WEEK:

i sat in the cannon center at dinner on Thursday with some of my girls, and a really annoying group of older boys was sitting a table away, laughing way too loudly at something on their phones to be up to any good.

a few minutes later, we saw a girl trip and fall, dropping her tray and braking all the dishes on it. 

~there is a stupid, STUPID, STUPID tradition in the Cannon center to clap when people break things. i think it's rude, so i always ask my girls not to do that.~

these idiot boys started clapping and LAUGHING at the poor fallen girl. she whimpered and started picking up the broken pieces until a worker came and took over, giving her a comforting pat on the shoulder. 

I swung my head around and gave the still snickering boys my most evil glare. 

and then, this tiny little old lady who works at the Cannon Center hobbles up to the boy's table and whispers, "oh, i see that you're laughing at this girl. would you mind coming with me?"

so they follow her, still cocky. 

she went in a door and came out with a giant grin and an armful of brooms. which she handed to the boys and said, "since this amuses you, you're welcome to help us clean it up." so they swept, tails between legs, 

AND. 

I. 

DIED. 

my jaw hit the floor with a thud surely heard all the way to Orem and i threw my head back, cackling like the wicked Witch of the West. The old lady smiled at me and went back to work, which only made me even happier. so i took a picture. It's blurry because i was genuinely shaking with laughter. 

the sweet, sweet, justice. 

Thursday's dance was hoppin' as well.

I forgot a dress, but my older girls loved me and all contributed a little piece to my outfit, haha. we all looked smokin' hot if i do say so myself. 

were I a poet, 

this is where i would write a

haiku for Rachel 

cause i adore her

and want to be just like her. 

she is the bees' knees.

and look at us, with complementary color schemes. 

babes, these two. 

shameless selfie because i LOVE my glasses. 

haha

one of my campers saw a picture of me without glasses and said, "Oh. you know, you actually look just as good with and without glasses. you're lucky."

and i agree! hahaha. 

i ruv dem. 

#dancinfordays

the DJ played "You Can't Stop the Beat" from Hairspray. 

UHMM, OKAY. 

YOU CANT STOP DA BEAT, THOUGH. 

ugh, so good. 

we.

went. 

crazy. 

and i love that Derek knows all the words with me, haha. and i LOVE that the whole song is one GIANT crescendo. holla. 

so sweaty. 

that was our last night! :/

It's surreal every week when the hall is empty again. 

I remember packing that Thursday and being genuinely bummed that these girls were leaving. they were so wonderful. and just in general that week was so good. 

the end of that week also marked the end of my FOURTH WEEK. and i couldn't/can't believe how different i feel. even in just four weeks?

is this possible?

is this real?

is this going to go away?

i'm sure that the floating on a cloud will peter out when i'm home and on a different schedule, but i hope this new Melissa feeling doesn't  go away. i like being this happy. 

honestly, i know this sounds cliche, but truly, i know that i'm so happy because I've been trying so. hard. to be as obedient as possible. and as genuine as i can be. 

because i'm really really good at wearing masks. 

but i feel liberated. 

i feel new. 

i feel incredibly blessed, every day.

i think they call this "Joy".

even ONE

So i'm writing something. maybe a book, maybe a bookish thing. mainly just a book. JUDGE ME. it's obviously in it's very very early stages, so don't expect anything mind blowing.

that's not even the point of this post, it's just that i was writing just now about my whole process and decision to stay home from school this past spring semester, and to work in Provo, and i wanted to share a tiny bit with you and then give you some additional thoughts:




"How I came to the decision to apply to be a counselor:

During Christmas break, sitting on the couch in our living room, surrounded by reflections of Christmas tree lights, and colorful wreaths adorning the walls,
“Melissa, you should come work for me this summer at Sports Camps” - Derek
“Okay, heck yeah!” – Me

The actual process was much more complicated than that.

I go to BYU-Idaho. They have an interesting track system there. I’m on the “Fall/Spring” track. So normally, I’d do my first semester of a school year from September – Christmas. And then be ‘off-track’ and living at home from Christmas to Easter. Then go BACK to school from Easter until mid-July. I know, confusing. But that’s how it went. And I loved it. I feel attached to Rexburg, Idaho. I love its mountains, and snow, and people, and sunsets, and spirit. When I didn't get into BYU, and only got into Idaho, I was a little disappointed, but once I actually started school the disappointment quickly transformed to joy. That little school in that tiny town made me incredibly happy for a long time.

So in the late winter of 2014 right before I was supposed to go back to school, feeling like I should stay home and take online classes was the last thing I expected.

I should rename 2014, “the year that God kept blind-siding me with changes in plans”. Really it was just me realizing that my plan for me was not my Heavenly Father’s plan for me. It was just me getting continually humbled. In February I felt overwhelming impressed to stay home for the spring semester, and it made absolutely no sense to me. I’d already signed a contract for my spring housing, I’d already registered for my classes, I couldn't wait to get back to those Grand Tetons and rose sunsets.

But there it was, a sliver in my mind, wiggling deeper and deeper under the tissue:




Stay.



Stay.

Stay.
Stay.
Stay.
Stay.
Stay.

Stay home this semester.

And I didn't know why. But I kept feeling it, and the promptings only got stronger. So I was brave and told my mother.
She was as confused as I had been when I first heard it.
But I had had weeks to get used to the idea. To weigh the pros and cons and become comfortable with all the consequences of staying home for the spring. I stood my ground. And once she saw that I was serious, after hours of frustrated hot tears on my part and calm reasoning on hers, she supported me with love and we both prayed for understanding. "





okay, so that was a tidbit.

and while i was writing it all down, i ran through a mental list of all the wonderful things that i got to be a part of while home for spring semester. and then i thought, "If i had gone to Rexburg, i would just now be starting sports camps. like, on Monday." and i felt physically sick to my stomach at the thought of me not having this past month of experiences.

there are honestly a thousand good things that happened to me while i stayed home this semester.

i probably couldn't name them all if I tried.

But this month has been the best, most enlightening, most fulfilling of them all.

I don't want to discredit Rexburg, because i honestly cannot express my love for that place. I have always felt safe and happy there. I've learned and felt so very much in that windy little town. I know that i was put on the Fall/Spring track at BYU-Idaho for a reason. I met people who became my best friends. i began to find my full faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ because the spirit of that place propelled me to be great. I don't think the blessings from going to BYU-Idaho will ever stop coming into my life. I love that place so dearly, i can't explain.

I was blessed to be at that school for a million reasons.

that being said,

I had an honestly insane experience one of my first nights in Provo. maybe someday i'll give the whole story, but for now just know that never before have my brain, and my gut, and my heart, and every other inch of my whole self been so united in aspiration.
that night was full of new dreams.

like i said the other day, I've made a lot of big decisions here.

and i'm soooo thankful that i felt i should stay home for Spring semester. I'm sure that if i had gone to rexburg, i would have had a completely different set of happy weeks, but how can i be sure that i would have found these answers?

I probably would have been fine and met new people there, too.
But i would not trade these past few weeks for anything in the world.

and i'm not trying to be one of those bloggers who just has a perfect life and talks about their perfect things all the time and "la da da i'm so happy, nothing is hard or wrong or bad, everything is perfect and i'm perfect and i pity all you little imperfect people of the world below me."


no.


this is just an online extension of my journal, so i'm expressing my thoughts.
and my thought tonight was this:

I am so grateful for the prompting i had in February that made zero sense.

Because if i stayed home just so i could meet even ONE of the people I've loved this past month, i'd be fine with that.

The Invisible Roommate

that's me. 

but sometimes i refer to my other roommates as that, too. 

we're all invisible here at Cinnamon Tree. 

there are 5 of us. 

I'm gone all the weekdays

My Guatemalan roommate and my roommate Kaisha are gone all weekend with their boys. my Ukrainian roommate is super popular and out a lot. when she's not out, she's studying in her room. 

the constant is my actual roomie, Leah. 

she's a sweetheart. 

Most of my camps have ended on Fridays. some on Thursdays. Whatever day i come home, i go get food at the grocery store, take a shower, and waste the night away online or something. 

then the next day i hide myself away in my room and do homework for hours and hours and hours. not exaggerating. 

the first weekend after i'd had a camp, my Ukranian roommate brought home two hot pizzas at midnight while i was writing in my journal in the living room because Leah was already asleep in our room. 

"Melissa, Do you want a pizza??"

"uhmm, really??"

"yes! I work there, these were leftover. this happens a lot. ... they're hot!"

uhmmm.

okay. 

i'm fine with this habit. 

a brief consumer's review:

Dove Go Fresh Deodorant 

THE BEST DEODORANT I'VE EVER USED.

k thanks, bye.

I ran out of this one, so i bought the same kind but pomegranate scent.

A GOOD DECISION IF THERE EVER WAS ONE

this is a common Friday night sight. mine is a half unpacked life:

 Saturday, July 11, i was doing homework and took my lunch break. out my window, in the quad, i saw a bunch of guys playing CRICKET. no big deal. 

actually i was really intrigued, so i went outside and watched on the balcony while i finished my lettuce wraps.

my friends Phillipa and Shanna brought me a slurpee. because they were free and they love me. 

once i was done with my homework, we went to a bonfire that my counselor friend Kristin put together! hashtag counselor clusters for life. 

we're all babes if i do say so myself. 

that bonfire was SO MUCH FUN. we didn't really do anything but talk to Dylan and Mitchell, but i just loved it because i had FRIENDS, finally. 

not finally. they had been my fast friends, but this was really the first time we'd spent a time together outside of camp. and i loved it. and i love them. and i wish Rachel could have come.

I joked to some counselors that being on a BYU-Idaho track system is rough because i move every four months or so. "hard to get a job, hard to get a boyfriend, hard to get regular friends."

truth truth truth. 

I mean obviously, Mallorie and Jaylene are always there when i'm in Idaho.

and my family and several members of the Valentine ward are there when i'm home. 

but it's hard to feel like i'm constantly pushing into social circles, or trying to pry my way back into friendships when i pop back into town. It can be lonely, even when i have friends, sometimes i don't feel like i really fit. like my heart is in both places, Rexburg and Madera. 

but i don't feel that here. 

and the bonfire was the first night that i let myself admit it. 

I said goodbye to the rest of the counselors/ people and walked out to the car with Shanna, playfully swinging hands like schoolgirls as we crossed the giant lawn between our fire and the parking lot. we whispered and giggled about boys, and i tried really really really hard not to think about the fact that i was half way done in Provo. So i snapped this picture of the super-moon. said, "...me and the moon" under my breath to distract myself from reality for a second. 

Saturday evening Phillipa and i walked to the dollar theater to see Divergent because i liked the book series and have been interested to see the movie. 

in case you were wondering, i thought the book to movie adaption was exceptional. 

though i think the actress who played Tris was way prettier than i pictured her while reading the books. 

oh well. 

Derek called me during the movie asking if i wanted to go to DI, and when i explained where i was, he was surprised and joked about me stealing his friends - semi true, full funny.

golly, do i love these mountains at dusk.

 Shanna picked us up from the theater and these two patiently waited outside with Derek while i finished my last homework assignment before we grabbed some Chick-fil-a and  a movie at Dylan and Mitchell's.

these two. 

and my ward is awesome. 

flip, i just remembered that i'm giving a talk in sacrament meeting on Sunday. 

cool. 

i'll add that to my finals, also due this weekend. 

well that seems like a good place to end tonight. 

also? this:

good night, folks. 

The Week That Shall Not Be Named

It has been a full THREE posts since i talked about sports camps, and i know you're all DYING to hear more, so i'll let you in on the details ;)

So.

the title of this post has nothing to do with Harry Potter, and everything to do with the fact that my third week was   R O U G H, to say the least. 

these girls. ugh.
every week, i ask my girls to pick a name so i can rally them in big groups and stuff. this group could NOT for the life of them agree on anything. which actually turned out to be rather fitting. So i gave them this name. 

there were 16 of them, which was way more than i'd ever had. 

And they were 13-16, and i'd never had older girls. so i was scared right off the bat. 

PLUS these were soccer girls, and the soccer schedule is this: 

breakfast

practice

lunch

practice 

dinner 

practice

camp activity

sleep

repeat

zero free time. so the girls were always exhausted, and we had no time other than meals to get to know each other. but i could see riiiiiiiight away that this group was NOT going to be united. straight off the bat the older girls hated the younger girls and vice versa. And several of my girls were automatically disobedient and sassy.  i don't handle that well.

there was just a million complaints a minute and frustrated parents and WOW, IT WAS REALLY HARD.

Monday night, i was writing in my journal, trying to keep calm, and i burst into tears. i was emotionally exhausted. and it was ONLY THE FIRST NIGHT.

I cried every night that week because i just felt so frustrated and inadequate. 

and my mom was at girls camp, so i couldn't even call her to vent, haha. 

so now you know, it was a hard week. i won't go into the details, but yeah, just know it was the longest 4 days of my life. 

but here are some things that helped me through the week:

• I have a lot of time in the mornings when my girls are at practice to read my scriptures and write in my journal. what a blessing! the underlined portion of this verse made me laugh:

I feel you Hannah, i feel you. 

• Monday Night Field Games.
  seriously, they are only like an hour and a half, but talking to my counselor friends recharges me. i have been more blessed than i can explain here in gaining true friends. and i so value the time i get to spend with these people. I love love love them.
• Men's Soccer Game
  tuesday was InSANE as well. the girls had the option of watching the BYU Men's soccer game! all my girls except for the two most evil ones wanted to go to the game instead of the dance. so obviously, i went with the majority's decision and we went to the game.
  well the two evil ring leaders started mimicking me like two year olds. i didn't let it bother me visibly. then they started making fun of me. k, whatever whatever, hum your favorite hymn, yeah yeah. THEN, they started making fun of one of the younger girls, who was the biggest proponent of the soccer game.
  NOPE, SO DONE.
  i definitely blew up at them. then they started to make fun of me even more, and i cried. and shouted more. and the spirit was loooong gone by this point. and i felt AWFUL. i shouted, "ForGET IT! let's just GO to the game!" and marched toward the gate, hoping that the two cretins would maybe get run over by a car while crossing the street.
  
  so i sat by my counselor friend Phillipa during the match and cooled down.
  and then i saw Natalie from Studio C while i was splurging on a churro, and it actually made me really happy. haha. 

•  SIX PEAKS
  actually named Seven Peaks, but who cares about that last one.
  
  This is my FAVORITE DAY OF CAMP EVERY WEEK. it's just plain fun. who doesn't like water parks? And by this time, about half of my girls had warmed up to me and were friendly. so this is the only day i took pictures, ha. 

BUT JUST MY LUCK, when we got to seven peaks? thunderstorm. 

park closed. 

k. 

but it turned out okay. 

One of the missionaries that i served as a ward missionary with from January-Marchish works with me! woot! Jessica!

the rain subsided but it sprinkled the whole time we were waiting for the buses and i got creative with my head dress towel

and then Dylan came and talked to me, and when he found out that my girls had made me cry the night before, he scolded them soundly. it was maybe the most gratifying thing to ever enter my ears and ended perfectly with, 

"It was....tolerable....to meet you, girls. goodbye."

yes.

that's a real friend, people. 

Just to be clear though, BYU Sports Camps is a overall happy place. Derek and Rachel's attitudes are infectious. so since they didn't mind the rain, neither did the rest of us. 

(It has been rumored that Rachel physically cannot frown, BUT I HAVE EVIDENCE)

By the way, I love Rachel, Shanna, and Phillipa for immediately accepting me, crocs and all, into their circle.

despite the rain, Six Peaks was great that day. 

After ward, i took the few girls who respected me to the Creamery for some ice cream. 

 we met up wiht some of their guy friends half way through the trip and i made sure to make things as awkward as possible.

shout out to my homie brooklyn who had a FRACTURED ANKLE, but was the only one of my girls back to the dorms by curfew that night. 

• The Cannon Center!
  I've been here five weeks and i'm still not tired of it.
  although i am tired of hamburgers.
  but never of cookies, my friends. never of the cookies. 

ALSO!

to whomever arranges the playlists for the Cannon Center Music;

I don't know who you are, but i kind of just want to give you a big hug and say, "good job, buddy."

• And lastly, the best thing to come of that third week was my 'spot'.
  one morning, there was a fire drill, while i was reading my scriptures, so i just took everything outside with me to escape the wails. ha.
  I walked a few dorms down and sat underneath this tree to read. and write. and pray. I've done it often since then. it's therapeutic. 

That's been the best part of this summer. getting to know myself. getting to relearn to pray, and pray much more meaningful prayers. pouring my heart out for girls that were strangers a day ago.

i feel like my decision to come to Provo this summer was a gateway to amazing changes in my life. maybe not all outwardly big, but i feel...so...different. than i did even in June.

I feel better. 

and i only want to keep getting better. 

I was trying really hard to be happy and good at home from January - June, but i felt pretty stagnant. 

In the past few weeks i feel like i've been leaping and bounding!

I've made a lot of decisions, guys. 

The biggest and most important being that i am going to let this summer change my entire life. 

I.

Love. 

This. 

I'm going to be better.