The Week That Shall Not Be Named

It has been a full THREE posts since i talked about sports camps, and i know you're all DYING to hear more, so i'll let you in on the details ;)

So.

the title of this post has nothing to do with Harry Potter, and everything to do with the fact that my third week was   R O U G H, to say the least. 

these girls. ugh.
every week, i ask my girls to pick a name so i can rally them in big groups and stuff. this group could NOT for the life of them agree on anything. which actually turned out to be rather fitting. So i gave them this name. 

there were 16 of them, which was way more than i'd ever had. 

And they were 13-16, and i'd never had older girls. so i was scared right off the bat. 

PLUS these were soccer girls, and the soccer schedule is this: 

breakfast

practice

lunch

practice 

dinner 

practice

camp activity

sleep

repeat

zero free time. so the girls were always exhausted, and we had no time other than meals to get to know each other. but i could see riiiiiiiight away that this group was NOT going to be united. straight off the bat the older girls hated the younger girls and vice versa. And several of my girls were automatically disobedient and sassy.  i don't handle that well.

there was just a million complaints a minute and frustrated parents and WOW, IT WAS REALLY HARD.

Monday night, i was writing in my journal, trying to keep calm, and i burst into tears. i was emotionally exhausted. and it was ONLY THE FIRST NIGHT.

I cried every night that week because i just felt so frustrated and inadequate. 

and my mom was at girls camp, so i couldn't even call her to vent, haha. 

so now you know, it was a hard week. i won't go into the details, but yeah, just know it was the longest 4 days of my life. 

but here are some things that helped me through the week:

• I have a lot of time in the mornings when my girls are at practice to read my scriptures and write in my journal. what a blessing! the underlined portion of this verse made me laugh:

I feel you Hannah, i feel you. 

• Monday Night Field Games.
  seriously, they are only like an hour and a half, but talking to my counselor friends recharges me. i have been more blessed than i can explain here in gaining true friends. and i so value the time i get to spend with these people. I love love love them.
• Men's Soccer Game
  tuesday was InSANE as well. the girls had the option of watching the BYU Men's soccer game! all my girls except for the two most evil ones wanted to go to the game instead of the dance. so obviously, i went with the majority's decision and we went to the game.
  well the two evil ring leaders started mimicking me like two year olds. i didn't let it bother me visibly. then they started making fun of me. k, whatever whatever, hum your favorite hymn, yeah yeah. THEN, they started making fun of one of the younger girls, who was the biggest proponent of the soccer game.
  NOPE, SO DONE.
  i definitely blew up at them. then they started to make fun of me even more, and i cried. and shouted more. and the spirit was loooong gone by this point. and i felt AWFUL. i shouted, "ForGET IT! let's just GO to the game!" and marched toward the gate, hoping that the two cretins would maybe get run over by a car while crossing the street.
  
  so i sat by my counselor friend Phillipa during the match and cooled down.
  and then i saw Natalie from Studio C while i was splurging on a churro, and it actually made me really happy. haha. 

•  SIX PEAKS
  actually named Seven Peaks, but who cares about that last one.
  
  This is my FAVORITE DAY OF CAMP EVERY WEEK. it's just plain fun. who doesn't like water parks? And by this time, about half of my girls had warmed up to me and were friendly. so this is the only day i took pictures, ha. 

BUT JUST MY LUCK, when we got to seven peaks? thunderstorm. 

park closed. 

k. 

but it turned out okay. 

One of the missionaries that i served as a ward missionary with from January-Marchish works with me! woot! Jessica!

the rain subsided but it sprinkled the whole time we were waiting for the buses and i got creative with my head dress towel

and then Dylan came and talked to me, and when he found out that my girls had made me cry the night before, he scolded them soundly. it was maybe the most gratifying thing to ever enter my ears and ended perfectly with, 

"It was....tolerable....to meet you, girls. goodbye."

yes.

that's a real friend, people. 

Just to be clear though, BYU Sports Camps is a overall happy place. Derek and Rachel's attitudes are infectious. so since they didn't mind the rain, neither did the rest of us. 

(It has been rumored that Rachel physically cannot frown, BUT I HAVE EVIDENCE)

By the way, I love Rachel, Shanna, and Phillipa for immediately accepting me, crocs and all, into their circle.

despite the rain, Six Peaks was great that day. 

After ward, i took the few girls who respected me to the Creamery for some ice cream. 

 we met up wiht some of their guy friends half way through the trip and i made sure to make things as awkward as possible.

shout out to my homie brooklyn who had a FRACTURED ANKLE, but was the only one of my girls back to the dorms by curfew that night. 

• The Cannon Center!
  I've been here five weeks and i'm still not tired of it.
  although i am tired of hamburgers.
  but never of cookies, my friends. never of the cookies. 

ALSO!

to whomever arranges the playlists for the Cannon Center Music;

I don't know who you are, but i kind of just want to give you a big hug and say, "good job, buddy."

• And lastly, the best thing to come of that third week was my 'spot'.
  one morning, there was a fire drill, while i was reading my scriptures, so i just took everything outside with me to escape the wails. ha.
  I walked a few dorms down and sat underneath this tree to read. and write. and pray. I've done it often since then. it's therapeutic. 

That's been the best part of this summer. getting to know myself. getting to relearn to pray, and pray much more meaningful prayers. pouring my heart out for girls that were strangers a day ago.

i feel like my decision to come to Provo this summer was a gateway to amazing changes in my life. maybe not all outwardly big, but i feel...so...different. than i did even in June.

I feel better. 

and i only want to keep getting better. 

I was trying really hard to be happy and good at home from January - June, but i felt pretty stagnant. 

In the past few weeks i feel like i've been leaping and bounding!

I've made a lot of decisions, guys. 

The biggest and most important being that i am going to let this summer change my entire life. 

I.

Love. 

This. 

I'm going to be better.