Nephi & Naaman

first of all - sorry for all the writing and no pictures. sorry not sorry. I haven't really done anything this week worth taking pictures of. just class and homework basically. Also, sorry for being whiny the past couple posts (including this one). sorry not sorry #2. taha.

Once upon a time (last week) i was real homesick. and then Mallorie went home. and i was sad. So i got online to order myself a couple pictures of people i love to hang by my bed to stare at at smile at when i was sad. 

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 "a couple" turned into 166. 

so i literally covered my half of the room in pictures, and i still have an inch tall stack of pictures on my desk. And I'm flipping through them and I'm just feelin real grateful.

Grateful for March- May of 2012, because those were really happy months. twenty rocks all the days. 

and grateful for July and August, because working at Cota Cole Attorney's was an incredible experience, and because i got so close with Jonathan and Derek. and because i got to go to hiko. and because i seriously loved all of our friends from Singles ward at church.

And grateful for these past few months at home.

Before i went to school my Dad gave me a special blessing like he does before the start of every school year. I was quickly trying to write it all down as he said it. And I love to re-read it and get comfort from it. Coming up here was hard and i'm not entirely sure about all the things that went into that but right now i'm just trying to see this like: "this could be a really happy couple of months to look back on". My dad said this semester would be pivotal in a lot of ways. I believe that. I know I'm supposed to be here. and I know that I'm supposed to be happy. And I'm trying really hard to be happy. 

This is kind of embarrassing because I've never done this before and i don't want people to think i'm like, trying to get attention. I'm not depressed or anything. but i wanted to ask you to pray for me. because I'm just having a rough transition and i know i can make it through, but i need the Lord's help. So please pray for me? that i won't feel lonely and that i can focus on my studies and be happy. 

I don't need any big crazy thing to happen, and i don't need to go anywhere. I know i can do it, I can make it. I know I'm supposed to be in Rexburg right now. I know happiness is a choice and I'm honestly trying to be happy. I feel really ungrateful because my life is really easy. I take a lot for granted. I have an amazing family and wonderful friends and a body that works perfectly. and i know that I'm where God needs me. I know i'm where God wants me to be. 

In my Book of Mormon class on Wednesday we were studying 1 Nephi chapters 1-5. In these chapters, Nephi is commanded to kill the wicked man, Laban. and it's a huge deal for Nephi, because he's young and hasn't ever been that violent before. but the lord says it was okay, and Nephi kills Laban.

My professor asked us to discuss obedience with our partners. 

curits and i did, and we both marveled that Nephi could be so faithful. That would be really hard!

A boy in the class brought up Naaman, the military leader spoken of in 2 Kings chapter 5 in the Old Testament. Naaman was a leper and when he asked the prophet Elisha to heal him, Elisha tells Naaman that if he washed in the river Jordan 7 times, he would be healed. Naaman thought that cure was ridiculous. He expected some huge thing to be asked of him. Eventually, Naaman did wash in the river and he was healed.

The boy in my class wondered if Nephi and Naaman's roles were switched, would either of them have batted an eye at their task? 

Naaman was a general in the army, he was used to killing wicked men. Beheading Laban would have been simple for Naaman.

Nephi had incredible faith in small and simple things. If the lord had told him to wash in the river Jordan 3 times, it would have been absolutely no problem.

The Lord gave Naaman and Nephi trials specifically hard for them. He knew it would be hard, but he knew that Naaman needed to go to the river and Nephi needed to kill the wicked Laban. the Lord gives us specific trials tailored exactly to our needs to help us grow by pushing us to our own personal limits. just like muscles have to be torn to get bigger, our spirits have to be tested to grow as well.

right now, going to college and feeling a little alone and sad that don't get to be around kids all day might sound simple or easy to you, but for me it's an uphill slope. but i know that it's what Heavenly Father has in mind for me right now. I know i need this. Right now i can't see why but someday i will see. someday i will understand and that is enough for me to take another step. 

Thanks for reading this. If you could pray for me, it would mean a lot.

And mom, don't worry. I'm not crying all day in my room or avoiding human contact. I'm okay. I'm just a little bruised. transitions are rough! they always are for me!

it's okay. I'm okay. 

one rock at a time. 

So here's to me trying to be a Nephi who goes out and accomplishes and not a Naaman who worries and doubts and stalls his progression.

"I don't want to be bitter. I want to be better."

John Bytheway 'How to be Totally Miserable'

Also, this:

"Mountains to Climb"

on repeat.