February

I forgot to post this....It's a recap of February.

sent Brandon and Stephen birthday presents. which were awesome, by the way. spent every day playing with Natalie, Caleb and Jenna, and talking with Allison. The kids watched "The Newsies" for the first time. they're obsessed. We had stake conference. I painted a lot. I struggled with patience while everyone asked me why i'm not going on a mission. I re-read Les Mis. it was even more incredible the second time. I started Nannying for a family here, they're really nice. and all three kids are adorable and fun. Caleb hates it when i babysit for anyone but him, because it means less time playing games with him. ha. Celebrated Rory's birthday. decided that i needed to be praying more and goodness did i get results. prayer is amazing. 

a certain pair of eyes caught my attention.

I decided to try a bunch of new crock pot recipes, that i'll blog about later in a food post. We celebrated Jenna's first birthday. 

I converted my dad to Duck Dynasty. it only took half an episode for him to cry from laughing so hard. I've played every board game we own with Caleb. too many times to count. I've also been giving Natalie an "art class". I had an incredibly painful procedure done on my ear, and because of the...intensity of it all, I'm only now regaining my hearing in my right ear. My friend Isai became an Eagle Scout, and i went to his court of honor. my mom says i should marry him. Those eyes kept showing up everywhere. watched seasons 7 & 8 of the office. couched Jenna to "sing" and perform various other tricks. Had an awkward Valentine's day. Not really awkward....bittersweet? that sounds to serious. cleared up some details of friendship...hahaha....
went to a YSA  dance and danced with the owner of the noticeable eyes. went to the beach with some friends the next day.

prayed and got real answers. understanding even a glimpse of God's will for me gave me a lot to think about.  and i lot to be humbled by, and a lot to be grateful for. "Prayer is the soul's sincere desire" so true. you can't trick Heavenly Father, He knows what we really want, and more importantly what we need. and we have to follow His guidance. Even when we have no idea how. He'll show us the way step by step if we're willing to take them one at a time.

Cried when I heard that one of my Dear friends, Mary, got her mission call to north Carolina. so happy for her. Celebrated My Grandpa Hansen's birthday and Jenae made me do a dang photo shoot of Grandpa, Dad and Jenae in their FFA jackets. 

watched a lot of TV, played with the kids a LOT, drove Jenae everywhere, Cheered for dang joy when my good friend Rory got his mission call to Tokyo, Japan. I know SO many missionaries you guys, it's insane. the other day i was going through my facebook friends, and about halfway through i decided to start counting all the people who either were already on their missions, or had their call. 27. Twenty seven people that i know who are currently serving, or a bout to serve the Lord. willingly. I love them all. and that's a lot of stamps and envelopes, guys.

I saw Central High School's Seussical. I spent a lot of time trying not to stare at a boy with gold eyes. had a failed party at my house. I am the worst party thrower ever, they never work out the way i want them to. haha. went to a missionary homecoming fireside. got hit in the eye with a nerf dart, that was fun. Said goodbye to my cousin Ryan, who is off to Serve a mission for our church in Colorado Springs! I honestly couldn't be more proud of him. His story is inspiring, and i admire him so much for his courage and faith. He is such an example to me, and i'm sure many others.

I love singing in the ward choir and having a social life, even if it means driving to fresno 3 times a week. Also I love that i can tell my mom everything. I babysat for an old friend, and it turned out that the experience was a small miracle for her, and it mended some bridges for me. I love going to the temple every thursday. That's one of the only reasons i'm okay with leaving madera again, because the rexburg temple is so incredible. I had a goal to write in my journal everyday last month, and i did it! 

also, I know I've already talked about prayer like five times in this post, but here i go again. 

Prayer is indescribably good. 

I know that God hears and answers even the most insignificant of prayers. I know He hears me when i call out to him. I have felt his love when i was frustrated and confused, i have felt His guidance during decisions, His support when i'm trying something new and His peace as i continue to go day by day doing the things i know make He and I happiest. 

I in no way understand His whole plan. But when we are communing, in that sacred time of heart felt prayer, He reassures me of His hand in my life. I feel that He's there and in control.

It's hard to put so much trust in someone you can't see, and in a 'plan' that you can't completely understand. I struggle a lot. most days i get overwhelmed by it all. But then there are those moments when everything just fits. where i feel him say, "wasn't this worth all the waiting?" 

and it is. 

That's what February was for me. a lot of overwhelmed days. a lot of worrying and impatience that led to doubt and frustration. But then i prayed. and finally trusted that Heavenly Father knows what He's doing, and that He wouldn't tell me to do something if it wasn't right for me. And although it's not completely clear to me all of the time, He and I are working together to get me where i need to be. Prayer is a huge part of that. I know God hears prayers. and answers them. He's there.