The Ranch

Yesterday was just a bad day. a BAD one. i slept through all my morning classes, I thought i slept through a midterm, but was able to still take it later that day, only to get a 57 on it. then  i get home and find out that My Aunt and Uncle sold the family ranch.

I died.

It never belonged to my immediate family, but it was always such a big part of me it that it seemed like it did.

There are SO many perfect, perfect memories. the ranch is just HAPPY. there's no other way to explain it. I can't describe adequately how much i love that place. Or how connected i feel to it. 

It's like this crazy part of my family's history. My great grand father made his living from those fields. I've seen the remnants of the little rock house at the base of the mountain. The mountain that means so much to me. This was the place my grand father Hansen was born and raised. the place where I've come for years to connect with my roots. to be with people who love me so unconditionally it's unreal. To feel wanted. to feel loved. to find myself. It's almost as if a small part of me is in that mountain. on that ranch house porch. in those sharp blades of grass, in that sweet hay.

When I'm there it's almost as if I'm untouchable. I'm completely protected and safe. It's almost as if i can feel my ancestors there with us. i know that sounds crazy. but that ranch really is sacred ground to me. A place where love and happiness are abundant. Where it is hot as hot can be during the day, and cold as you can imagine at night. In that tiny strip of life of the barren Nevada, there's Pahranagat valley. 

Fertile. beautiful. the cleanest air you'll ever breath.

the clearest sky you've ever seen. so blue it seems artificial. and at night the sky is the deepest black and purple, but the stars are so bright they take your breath right out of your chest. 

I love Hiko.

I love the ranch. It feels like Home to me.

I am very sad that it's sold, but i am infinitely grateful for the many perfect summer days and nights i spent there dreaming and loving and laughing. I'm sure one day I'll get to go back. and when that day comes i just might be the happiest person alive. but until then, i am forever thankful for the time i had there.