The Rambles

first of all: Vienna by Billy Joel. makes me feel like Sandra bullock in a romantic Comedy after I've been dumped by the handsome co-star.

ha.

So there are only four more days of my Book of Mormon class left and i'm really sad about it...I love my teacher! I was going to try and get him next semester but he's moving back to Georgia. boo.

We talked about the Universe and planets today in my Science class and some of the figures were staggeringly large, i think the universe is amazing. I think space is amazing.

My History class was canceled today which meant i got to go home an hour early. In that hour i called my dad to catch up and we ended up talking about this TV that we watch together, but obviously we're states away from each other so we just talk about it afterward and so we were catching each other up on small details of the show which led him to talk about navy seals, and then Al qaeda.

Call me conspiracy theorist, but i think that people - I'm not necessarily saying the government, so don't think i'm crazy. but i legitimately think that people or organizations monitor phone calls. I mean, we already know they can. cops and FBI do it all the time to suspects.
I think they do it all the time. they monitor certain phrases of names, and if those are said more than the allotted normal amount in a conversation, they pay closer attention, maybe even tap in and listen for a second just to make sure we're not threatening the president or planning a bomb raid.

anyway.

talking to my dad is always good, and we can talk about the randomest things on the phone, it's great. I can't wait to go home and see Lincoln with him!

My science test was curved 7 points, which is FANTASTIC.
doing homework is getting easier and easier for me because i'm more and more motivated to finish strong and GO HOME! haha.
Now we're about to go to my roommate's violin concert.

AND? I've gotten more compliments lately on my dad's Koala sweater than i have gotten on any piece of clothing in my entire life hahaha. thanks dad! even though you have no idea that i took it!

Les Miserables

You guys, i have a confession.


a couple weeks ago my teacher was all, "you guys get to read Les Mis soon! woopee!"
I wanted to kill myself. 1400 pages in eleven days? nope.
so i cheated and got the abridged version. there are five sections in the book. and for each section, i had to write a journal. analyzing the character, symbols, diction, and so on. I HATED it.
finally, at like midnight when i decided to read first and fill our the forms later, i just start flipping through pages.
I FLIPPING LOVE THAT BOOK.
most definitely blasted it's way into my top five favorite books. (allllllllmost reached Harry Potter level, guys.)
pretty dang wild. I literally cried at the end. granted it was like three in the morning, but it was still awful and wonderful and GAH why can't people write like that anymore?

I would also like to inform you that i will most definitely be one of those annoying girls raving about it on facebook all the time and posting every new update and going to the midnight premier. MOOooooost definitely. but i wasn't going to be one of those because i had only the seen the 25th anniversary of the musical two years ago. (holla at Marissa for taking me as a super early birthday gift haha) anyway, now i feel i have earned the right to be overly excited about it.
also i hate cosette 80% of the time.
also i cheered out loud when Javert died.
and was i the only one who thought Marius' obsession with a fifteen year old girl was a little bit weird?
but whatever, it was different back then, okay? and it was beautiful, dang it!

I have a bad habit of claiming that i hate books, almost refusing to read them and then loving them to pieces. this was absolutely one of them and if you haven't read it already, READ IT NOW. It's worth the 400+ pages of the unabridged version atleast.
I've been going crazy about it all day. and singing to myself. and Mallorie was like, "What is it about?" so I said, "It's kind of about a family during the french revolution." then i said, "well, it;s really about a convict during that time, and everything that happens in his life." she thought i was done. HA.

I went on to give a literally seventeen minute explanation (extensive summary) of the plot, the twists, the characters, needless to say, she almost died from boredom because she had no idea what i was talking about. taha.

ANYWAY,
I LOVE LES MISERABLES.

We're Crazy

First of all, Id just like to say that moments ago i registered for google wallet. Das right y'all. I'm payin fo mah own dang blog. I have to, or else i can't keep posting, and I'm pretty addicted, so I guess I'll pay $2.50 a month to rant and muse and tell stories to my invisible internet friends. 

I'm okay with that. 

You might start seein ads, thas all i'm sayin

anyway

I rave about my family often. I love 'em. what I love about my family the most is that we're just so WILD! we have so many crazy traditions, some are so normal to me that i don't even notice they're abnormal until a friend points them out. like I said, I love us.

I tried to find pictures of me doing crazy things with each of my immediate family members. I couldn't find one fr me and Rebecca  probably because she moved away to college when i was six and got married when i was nine haha. since then, we totally have done goofy things, I'm sure. Rebecca? any memories of us? Rebecca deserves her own post. she shall have one soon!

anyway, 

I thought me being so young at my oldest sister's wedding was crazy, in a good way. still counts.

This is me and Rebecca, December 30, 2003, right?

Allison, oh Allison. hahaha She and I are crazy together because we are so alike. 

there is an ongoing debate regarding the photo below. I swear she was the one who scribbled on me. She swears that she didn't. she probably didn't, she would have been like 15, she would have known better than to scribble on a 4 year old's face.

Katrina was in high school when i was still young, and she left for college when i was like nine or so, and then she served a mission and got married. The craziest thing a remember about Katrina, and she'll die that I'm immortalizing this on the Internet.

My Dad always went to scout camp, and we would stay at 'family camp' on the other side of the hill. one year we visited my dad while he was at camp, and it seems like we were at church or something but i just remember that someone was praying. and i was laying with my head in Katrina's lap. i opened my eyes and she opened hers. I don't remember why she started dangling spit above me, but she did. I was pretty young, so she was too, so don't judge her hahaha.

But she started dangling spit above my face, and i would squirm and she would suck it back into her mouth. well, someone was praying, so i couldn't scream for her to stop. And she was holding me down, she was strong. so i kind of had to just lay there and let it happen to me. hahaha

well one of the danglers of spit didn't make it back into her mouth when she tried to slurp it back. And it fell right into my open mouth. and i yelped. because it was disgusting. and she stifled a laugh and put her hand over my mouth. i have no idea what happened after that but i will always remember looking up at her face, utterly repulsed that her spit had just dropped into my mouth, and feeling her hand over my mouth while i was trying to yell, ad her eyes squeezed shut, her other hand over her own mouth, because she was dying laughing. and she had short hair and I love her laugh.

and i hope i wasn't too mad at her, because if it had been me accidentally spitting into Jenae's mouth, i would have thought it was hilarious. so I get you, Katrina. hahaha

Donny! This is right after my first lead in a play. I was Peter Ivonovitch Bobchinsky in nikolai Gogol's, "The Government Inspector" my sophomore year of high school. pretty hilarious if i do say so myself. anyway, Donny was also a theatre kid. well, all of us are/were. ha. Donny is wild, and he lived at home for a year or so after his mission, which was good, because then we got to be a lot closer and we did tons of fun things. Donny was the first (and so far only) sibling that i really was involved for the whole meeting of the spouse. I remember one day I was stalking  a cute boy on Facebook and I showed Donny his picture. Donny was like, "You wanna see my current crush? I saw her at a bonfire, and we danced at a YSA dance last weekend. Her name is Christine Godfrey..." He showed me her profile, we clicked through all her pictures and ooh'd ad ahh'd at her. i silently deemed her worthy of my brother when he came from their first date absolutely smitten. It was so cute to see him planning little things to do for her, hearing him talk about her and fall in love with her. I screamed when he told me he kissed her, and then they went up to school and i stalked them on facebook. When they came home in the winter and she was over once a week i knew it was only a matter of time. and sure enough one day while i was watching a movie with my best friend, my phone rang and an excited Donny was on the other end telling me how he proposed. and their wedding was darling and perfect and so happy! And they're living happily ever after! 

that whole thing was crazy for me, meeting the girl of his dreams, welcoming her into the family, i loved it! That's my favorite crazy memory with Donny, because it was the best kind of crazy.

Oh hey Derek, 

Too many crazy things to count. it might sound weird but some of my favorite memories with him are driving to places. screaming songs as loud as possible, driving really fast down windy rounds, talking about nothing and everything. laughing about nothing and everything. our spontaneous trip to the beach this summer, talking about boys. and girls. our fanny packs and thrifting. 

The photo below was taken this summer at our friend Heather's graduation. there were literally thousands of people that we had to sift through, and we were just not finding her. So i climbed on Derek's six foot tall shoulders. we became a ten foot tall watch tower and we found her almost right away. Our friend Leah took the picture. Derek does crazy things without even realizing it, they're just him. so when we do crazy things, it doesn't seem so crazy, you know what i mean? 

Jonathan is a lot calmer than me. and he's so goofy, I love him. this picture was after a paint capture the flag activity we did for church. It was pretty fun. Jonathan have done some pretty weird things haha. we would stay up all night waiting for old tv shows to come on, sneak out to the living room and turn the volume almost all the way down to watch them. and everything was funnier at 3 in the morning as a nine year old. and i remember one night we all decided to sleep on the trampoline, but Derek and Jenae didn't want to because it was pretty cold, So Jonathan stayed out. to prove we were tough or something. we ended up going inside, it was freezing. that's not even crazy.

I'm sad that i can't remember more from when I was little. 

I think it's crazy that He and I have been communicating so well lately. we've actually talked. about more than our nieces or star wars. we walk to Donny's for dinner or to the grocery store and we talk. and it's nice.

Oh Jenae...

literally, what crazy thing haven't we done?

I stinkin miss my weasel, guys. I'm glad that even though i verbally abused her most of our childhood with names like, poo poo face, poophead, weasel, rat, devil, bratty brat brat brat, wed-betting turtle and pee sheets, we're still best buds. I had a song that i would sing to her late at night when we were trying to sleep, or whenever she was making me really angry. it went something like, "Jenae pees in the bed and poops in the couch and she looks like a turtle when she cries. she pees in the bed and poops on the couch and she LOOKS LIKE A TURTLE WHEN SHEEEEEE CRRRIIIIIIIEEEEESSSS."

I was so pleasant as a child.

anyway, I'm glad that's over.

I'm also glad that she's like my best friend. II literally have not told a soul other than my baby sister. hahaha.

She drives me absolutely inSANE some days. most days. but then there are those priceless, perfect days when we make movies or skits or songs and we laugh and talk and cry and yell and sing and somehow, become closer from it all. One time she told a boy that i thought he was cute, and i was SO mad. because i hadn't told anyone else. ad she made me an entire batch of chocolate chip cookies and wrote me an apology  note and hid them in the file cabinet where i put my fanny pack in the dressing rooms backstage. she didn't even have to do that, but she did. and sometimes she scares me with how well she knows me. and she's getting so pretty, i just want to build a fence around her to keep all the riff raff out. i am the only one who is allowed to hurt my sister. hahaha.

I love her.

Oh Dad, he's wild. haha. we do crazy things. he does crazy things. we all get our crazy from pops. Here he is telling my friend Aaron to stay sober in college. which i believe i mentioned several times already. haha i still think it's hilarious. But hey, all my friends love my dad, especially the football players. because of his game day grapes and his undying stallion pride. I think sometimes he alllllmost has more Madera South spirit than i do if you can imagine that.

And then there's my momma. she's crazy too. she and I are pretty much best friends. bu not in the "Mean Girls" sense. heck no. My mom is my best friend because she has raised me well and hard, and disciplined me right. and taught me everything she knows. And She had become my friend because of years of respect and love and work, not because she gives me everything  want. because trust me, she's one of those wishy washies who spoils her daughters rotten.

anyway, the day before my graduation practice she showed me how to make these hats that her father often made. She showed me so that i could have a hat to wear at the practice, because i didn't want to get sunburn, but we weren't allowed to bring anything bigger than a piece of paper. i should have worn a dang bonnet. anyway, my mom is wild too. man i love her.

My family is crazy. we do weird dances, we know every word to every Disney song ever, we make the best skits at family reunions, we are loud and big and crazy. we get way too into The Biggest Loser, we have our own Holiday and we I don't think i have ever sung the real version of "Frosty the Snowman" in my entire life. 

But we go together like pizza and carrot sticks. 

Jack Kelly and the Newsies

Mr.White and the Oneders

I love my family.

I love that I get to be with them forever. 

Thanksgiving Day

I'm sure you've seen dozens of these by now. But i am more than happy to hop on the band wagon for this one, because i love cliche things.

ready for the longest blog post ever? sweet because here it is in list form. I am SO so thankful for:

- My AMAZING family. they are literally the best people, and i feel like everyone says that about their own families but really, my family is incredible and i love how close we are. I love that we are protective of each other. I love that we have inside jokes that are too obscure for anyone to ever understand. I love our name, I love our heritage i love our traditions. 

I just love us.

-The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Really. It is my whole life. everything i do, everything i want to become, it's all for Him. I love everything about His gospel and His church. my church. Because I believe it is one in the same. There comes a point when you have so much faith in something that it is no longer believing, It's knowing. I know i belong to Christ's church. I know He loves me and died for me and was resurrected for me. I know He lives. I know He is God's Son.

I know it, I live it, I love it!

-teachers. Mine have been fantastic over the years. And I'm grateful for my college professors who give up SO much time to teach here. 

-my school. I explained this today at dinner when we were all going around saying what we were thankful for. I LOVE this school. I love everything about it. even the Honor Code. Especially the Honor Code! I love the atmosphere and the people and the campus and Idaho and my classes...I just love BYUI. I'm so thankful for all the members whose tithing helps to fund it. and I'm actually grateful that it's so far away. It's helped me learn A LOT about myself.

-enough food to eat

- a safe warm dorm room apartment with a heater

- good coats (holla at Allison at Katrina for those. without them, i'd prolly be dead.)

-All the wonderful people back home who gave me scholarships in June, because I'd be dead without those as well. ha. But really, I was blessed in the financial aid department of my schooling.

-I'm just happy for Thanksgiving! what a wonderful Holiday! too bad it's attitude and feeling has to be ruined by crazy black Friday. oh well. everyone likes saving money i guess.

-Also? I'm grateful for the Christmas lights that My roommate is bringing home from Montana to light up our window every night. I'm so happy to be here.

tonight was great. Derek came up from Provo to spend Thanksgiving wiht Donny, Christine, Jonathan and I. Two of Christine's cousins and their roommate joined us as well. I would just like to point our that Christine is only a year older than me and she flawlessly executed a perfect Thanksgiving dinner. 

*applause*

There was SO. MUCH. FOOD.

and laughing, lots of laughing. 

My borthers are pretty much the coolest people on the planet, so when all three of them are together in a room, It's just a non-stop party. I'm SO excited to see our sister Rebecca and her family tomorrow!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I Love Capitalism

So since the election I've deleted like 15 people from my facebook because all they were doing was complaining. mostly about the president but also about how fed up they were with rich people hoggin' all the nation's wealth.

This wouldn't bother me if they were intelligent people.

But seriously guys, when you know nothing about government, you are not allowed to complain about policies or taxes or governors. Maybe you don't agree with the president, but i am pretty dang sure that if you were the resident, you would NOT be doing any better at all, because you are twelve. you know nothing about politics.  and when you didn't even vote, you cannot complain about your leaders. And when you are too lazy to drag your butt off the couch and look for a job, you are not allowed to complain about wealthy business men having more money than you.

that's really what made me so mad.

It's one of my dang pet peeves.

I will literally cut you if you think that you are better than Bill Gates. at anything. He's a flipping genius and he literally changed the world forever. He is a jerk? okay, cool. First, give me back your personal or home computer. second, slap yourself.  he is one of the world's greatest philanthropists. Don't believe me?

 Go Here.

Now that you've realized that your facebook status about Bill Gates being an... how did you put it, "selfish idiot whose main goal is to enslave illiterates" was completely wrong and laughably inaccurate, you can slither under a rock an die.

Why are lazy people so quick to assume that wealthy American business makers are selfish demons? A lot of actors, musicians and professional athletes are just as rich, yet you worship them. 

"But businessmen millionaires are greedy and careless" 

oh because Kanye West and Sarah Jessica Parker are all such perfect model citizens of charity and morals aren't they? 

There are bad rich people. But there are just as many bad rich celebrities, and both groups probably worked really hard to get the money they have. 

people make money when they have good ideas or good looks and they work hard to keep them.

It's all competition. 

and whether you like or not, there will always be a top dog.

There will always be Warren Buffets, brad Pitts, Dianne Feinsteins and Michael Jordans who are much, much richer than you. And there will always be companies going out of business, so calm down with your "RIP twinkies" statuses  There will always be new businesses. there will always be debt and prices will always be changing. there will always be rich people for you to be jealous of and if you keep living off welfare while watching NBA on your plasma TV, you will probably always be poor. but it will be your own dang fault. That's America, bro.

So until you get a job and start contributing to society, you can stop complaining, thank you very much. 

Sorry for all that anger that just blew up your computer or hand-held device...I'm not the most patient person in the world

Temples

Y'all know by now that I'm a Mormon. and I'm sure that you know that Mormons build temples like those built in the times of Christ. I won't preach about it here, i don't want to be pushy. If you want to find out more about why we build temples, how we build temples and what happens in temples, or if you want to know what we believe about forever families, you can go here:

http://mormon.org/faq/topic/temples

or here:

http://www.lds.org/church/temples/why-we-build-temples?lang=eng

both sites are official sites of the church so they're credible.

You can even go see one in real life! Find out if there's one near you here.

Today I got to watch the Boise Idaho Temple re-dedication! It was so awesome and President Monson wiggled his ears haha There was a little boy in the front row and President Monson was like, "I see a future missionary here!" *wiggles his ears at boy, everyone laughs* "You see I'm wiggling my ears at you! Oh, why i see you're wiggling yours back!" hahaha He's so sweet.

the inside of the temple was dang BEAUTIFUL and I loved it.

I'm so grateful for the temple and it's blessings. I'm grateful for all the ways it has affected my life!

I love to see the temple, I'm gonna be married there some day!

Dad

I'm just missing my dad today. mostly because we watched Father of the bride.

gets me every time.

and it just got me thinking about him.

How he smells like the vineyard's dirt when he gets home from work and i hug him and he says, "sorry, i''m all smelly" and i just laugh because i love the smell of the dirt at the vineyard.

and i miss his protectiveness

and the way that he tucks the bill of his hat into his back pocket. and his crazy ties and his laugh and his cracked thumbs. 

every once and a while i'll wear a hat or eat some raisins i think of him. Love him. miss him. wish i was going home for thanksgiving.

Pumpkin Muffins

first of all, 

My humanities professor made us practice Character analysis on Harry Potter characters. 

this STUPID girl gets up and tries to say that Neville is a flat static character with no development or progression through out the novels. and I wanted to punch her in the face but instead i just kind of shouted. and I told her that she was straight up DUMB and that she must be reading a different series because Neville Longbottom is the greatest person to have ever inhabited this earth since the turn of the century.

I then disproved every bullet point she had written and added a few remarks about her analysis of Draco Malfoy as well because she was wrong about him too.

people may or may not have clapped.

It made me feel pretty good about myself.

and then my Family proclamation teacher played "tradition" from Fiddler on the Roof and i sang along loudly with the dorky guy next to me and then our professor said we didn't have class on Monday.

which made me happy too.

And my book of Mormon class was awesome as usual. especially when we sang a Christmas song for the opening Hymn and me and Tyler were hitting ALL them harmonies.

Then my science professor told us that all our homework for the week wasn't due until Saturday so we can have extra time to prepare for the online test on Friday.

AND THEN my american foundations teacher told us class was canceled for monday

then we rented movies. including My big fat Greek Wedding

AND THEN my roommate made pumpkin muffins

So no yeah, I had a pretty great day.

until about nine o clock.

Remember how i hate movies with not happy endings?

Mallorie made me watch another one -_-

"My Best Friend's Wedding."

I hated it.

I even texted Brandon and told him that if he ever got engaged without telling me i'd kill him. two times. one for not marrying me and one for marrying a girl i didn't approve first. 

and then I pretended that I didn't hate Cameron Diaz so i could finish the stupid movie because I was already too into the story line to leave the room. And Julia Robert's hair is like... hypnotically curly.

regardless, I'm thankful for funny pictures on the internet, pumpkin chocolate chip muffins and amazing teachers to be happy about. And I'm very grateful for Harry Potter.

Grandmom

Today My grandmom sent me a letter in the mail and it made my week! It was so sweet and thoughtful. She's so hip too, she made her own envelope from a magazine page and she wrote with white pen on black paper. I loved it, she's so cute.

I'm grateful for her today. I'm grateful that she and my grandad didn't let my mom go away to school, because if she had, she never would have met my dad at Cal Poly! I'm grateful for their comfy house at the beach. I love the smell of the sea and the wind and the saltyness. I love playing on their stairs and twirling the little crystals that caught the light coming in from the window. I love playing in the loft and scouring the cupboard under the stairs for new (old) toys. and i love her ice cream and i love her blanket that she made me when i was eight and i still use it. I love her voice and i still remember her reading me the Bernstein bears on our couch. I love her Christmas present bows and her rolls.

I just love her. 

Thanks Grandmom, you're the best!

Fighting For

"'Tis like the great stories Mr.Frodo, The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were! And sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back in the way it was when so much bad happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing. This shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come. and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those are the stories that stay with you, That meant something even if you were too small to understand why. But i think Mr.Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turnin' back - only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding onto something."
"What are we holding onto Sam?"
"That there is some good in this world Mr.Frodo, and it's worth fighting for."

- Sam and Frodo The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
J.R.R. Tolkien 1954

I have a lot of things to fight for. 

My family, my religion, my freedom. The list could go on and on. 

The point is that when you really think about it, your list of blessing far outweighs the inconveniences. and all the struggles and all the disappointment? They don't have to matter. 'It's a passing thing.'

I'm grateful for my dad's job. because even though it keeps him away for long days, it's gives me the opportunity to serve people all across the world. It gives me the chance to serve God. I'm grateful those mean girls who made fun of me for wearing purple corduroys in second grade. because they helped me keep the three best friends anyone could ask for. I'm grateful for the jerkfaces i liked because they led me to some really great guys who started out as crushes but became close friends. I'm grateful that i live so far away from Brandon, because I just know that the first time he bakes me cookies after such a long time apart, they are literally going to be the best things ever. I''m thankful for the loneliness i felt before Junior year, because it drove me to my knees. I'm thankful for the assistant director who hated me openly, because he taught me patience. I'm grateful for the girl whose life goal was to make me miserable for no reason for 6 years, because she taught me charity. I'm grateful for Jes, Oscar, Mona and Mallorie, because they taught me not to judge and became some of my best friends. I'm thankful for Matthew chapter 5 because it changed my life forever. I'm grateful for Jay because he helped me realize what i don't and consequently do want in my future. I'm grateful that I'm far away from my home and friends, because it only makes me love them more. I'm grateful that Jenae teases me, because it makes me laugh. I'm thankful for the cold, because even though my hair literally froze into icicles last night, it makes me appreciate my cozy dorm and my warm blankets and helps me respect pioneers who had nothing and crossed the plains in the snow to settle the west. 

and that huge paragraph is only the first things that came to my head.  and sorry or the semi deep post, but i just noticed a million little good things today. I bet you there's a lot more hidden blessings in your life than you think. 

there is good in everything.

There is good in my world, and it is worth fighting for.

Allison

Allison is my older sister. She's the second of 8. and she and i are ridiculously alike. 

and i'm really grateful for her today. 

For being so strong. and always being a good example.

I love singing with her.

I love her. I just love her.

Happy movies

 Tonight my devil best friend Mallorie made me watch "premonition" with Sandra bullock. stupidest movie EVER. she goes back to save her husband, and kills him by accident instead. SO so dumb. and awful and sad and kind of creepy. i hated her for about an hour. and then i ate an entire pizza.
It all reminded me that i'm very grateful for good happy movies.
I love them, and they love me.
picture overload.

movies with good music, not ominous stuff

Movies with a good romantic storyline

i love the ones that make me think

The ones that make me cry

and especially the ones that make me laugh.

one thing in common? they all have happy endings. 

good ones. 

not that creepy stuff people like to shove at my face -_-

Boys

are you ready for the most awkward blog post you've ever read?

I don't know if i am either hahaha

welp, people. My best friend Mallorie and I drew all over a pair of jeans last summer that we both fit into (we def. don't fit in them now. ha.)

and because we are crazy stupid teenagers, we wrote the names of every boy we'd ever had a crush on/ liked/ dated/ they didn't know that we existed but we already planned the wedding -on the jeans.

I saw those stupid pants today.

and i LAUGHED looking up some of the boys i used to like, seeing them with babies, beards, tattoos, wives or in military uniform. oh boy. pun intended.

SO

I decided to make a complete fool of myself, be really creepy and show you every single one of them. don't worry, i won't show you 25 + pictures. that would just make me too embarrassed to speak.

instead I'll just show you 5. collages. hahaha. I'm SUCH a flipping wierdo. I creeped on facebook and stole their profile pictures. this is kind of a 'where are they now' show for me and it is stinking HILARIOUS, guys. HIGH-larious. I literally cannot believe that i liked some them.

some I'm embarrassed about

and some I'm happy with, because they are nice guys and we're still friends.

one I'm disappointed, because he is great. i was the reason that it didn't work out and it still bugs me.

and then there are a couple awkward newbies to the group, who don't even know they're part of the group. and i may or may not go to school with them right now. and they have NO idea that they're on my blog for the whole world to see. and they have no clue that I had/have crushes on them. tahaha.

also, just to clear anything up, less than 1/4 of these boys ever actually liked me back. So don't go thinking I'm a dang nasty who goes from boy to boy. and don't think I'm bragging, because 21 of these boys ultimately rejected me. sooo....ha. this ain't no dang brag fest. 

I've organized them into categories for you. 

1. Elementary school -that's kindergarten through sixth grade for all you wierdos who had like K-4 

2. Middle School - 7&8 grade

3. Freshman & Sophomore years of high school. aaaaand the summer after.

4. 2011: Junior year, the summer after, and the first half of senior year.

5. this past summer. and now. awkward. don't judge me

ready set go

1. ahhh Elementary school, Jason Ibrahim and Brandon Paul. of course. they're beautiful, dangit! Joseph Gallacher if you ever read this I'm sorry for going on your facebook and stealing your profile picture. I know, I'm creepy. don't judge me. oh hey Joey and Jose. you're gangsters now. good to know.

2. When I think of middle school i want to punch myself in the face, but I'm pretty sure that's how everyone feels. the three G's on the side and homeboy ginger beard in the middle are Donald, Nick and Trevon and Colton. two of them have a child, one of them OD'd on hardcore drugs and two are pot heads. and I'm pretty sure one of them is in jail.....I had great taste, no?

Oh yeah and then there's Travis. hey Travis. 

this is awkward. 

3.Freshman and sophomore year. tsk tsk. Of course there was Landon, everyone had a crush on him, he's gorgeous and fun. David and Zane never knew i liked them. hahaha don't tell them. Zane's like my brother now and I'm pretty sure David forgot i existed. oh well. and then there's Breven. He's a marine now. he's the one in the middle. ha. and He and I were probably the worst mix ever haha. but now that we're older and grown up, we're civil. you could maybe even call us friends.

 And then there's Nolan. I really liked Nolan. a whole flipping lot. and then I made a huge mistake and that pretty much ended things. We're friends now i hope, never really got patched up fully before he left for his mission in Russia. He's hilarious and way too good for me. He gets home in February though, and I'm pretty dang excited to be home for that.

4. junior and senior year were the good guys. not that all the guys before were bad, but all these guys were really good guys. Carson, Ben, Matthew, Trey and Malcolm. Malcolm was just my EFY crush, but he's cool. Matthew is on a mission in Japan and Ben is in Pennsylvania! They're GREAT people. Carson is a piece of work. but I'm glad we were friends. and then there's home skillet Trey. He's a stud, that one. I'm so excited for him to serve a mission too! Trey is one of my best friends actually, I miss him!

5. Oh. now. huh. weird.

well there's Jay. We dated at the end of senior year and the beginning of summer. and yeah, that stopped. ha. but hey I'm glad we were friends and I'm glad that i got to learn a lot of lessons from him and our relationship. then this summer there were a bunch of guys from BYU in Fresno selling dish network over the summer. I had fatty crushes on two of them: Tommy and Tim. sigh. BUT I'm a little girl. and I go to BYU-I. and I'm a baby. and they're like 22. and I'm a dang child. but they're so much fun! and Tim's pancake sauce is literally the BEST breakfast I've ever had in my life. not exaggerating at all. and Tommy rocks! we (me, Derek and Jonathan) hung out with the Dish boys most of the summer, and I miss them! I'm jealous that Derek sees them all the time in Provo -_-

and then there are two boys here. which might be confusing because there are six boy faces in this collage. i guess that just means that you get to decide who you think they are, because there is no way I'm going to say their names hahaha. mostly because if they ever for some odd reason decided to go on my blog (which I've purposefully never told them about) i don't want them to think I'm a giant creepo for stalking them on facebook to get their profile pictures. or for having crushes on them. because they have no clue hahaha I'm so hilarious!

also, it kind of looks like Jay and Tim have their arms around each other, but that's just where the collage maker decided to put Tim. haha. right in jay's arms. 

apparently 5 is my number. because i never had a crush on more than five guys within two years. DON'T JUDGE ME, I KNOW THAT STILL SOUNDS LIKE A LOT. but really, if you think about it the average crush has got to be only like 3-4 months right? and then you either don't like them anymore or you get the courage to tell them. and then 4 out of 5 times they'll reject you. so you move on to someone else. so 25 in 18 years (realistically, it's probably more like 13 because who has crushes before 5 years old?) so 25 in 13 years, that's about every two months. but some of these guys i liked way longer than 2 months. and some I've liked a lot less than 2 months. one of these guys i had a crush on for five days. (I'm a teenager) one guy i only liked for 10, one i liked for more than a year.
13 of the 25 were blonde
11 were brunette or had black hair
1 is a ginger. ha.
18 were white. 2 were black. 4 were Mexican and 1 is Persian.
20 are about 6 feet tall now. 4 are not that tall and 1 is REALLY not that tall.
11 had abnormal names.
12 were Mormon when i liked them, 1 recently converted (not because of me) and 12 are not Mormon. none of the guys i liked from 7 & 8 grade are Mormon, all of the boys i liked in 2011 (Junior & first half of senior year) are.
none of the boys I've liked have ever repeated the same name, which i think is weird.
I only actually liked 7 of these boys and of those i only dated 2. the other 18 were just crushes, so stop judging me, I'm not a floozy.

I don't regret any of these crushes. or relationships. even though some were stupid. they're what I'm grateful for today. I'm grateful for all the lessons i learned and the friends I've made. and I'm grateful for the HUNDREDS of awkward moments that came from conversations of situations with these boys. I'm grateful they got to be a part of my life, and that i got to be at least a small part of theirs.
also I'm glad that I've never been in love. there's a big difference between loving someone and being in love, you know? I love Brandon, i love Nolan, I love Ben. they're all great!
but I've never been in love, and I'm glad. Glad that i still get to feel that. get to experience that. I want my future husband to be the only person I've been in love with.
Some might say that's naive, because then 'how will you know that you're in love if you've never been?'
pffft. I'll know. because it will be nothing like I've ever felt before. and It's going to be flipping great. and I really hope no one sees this post the wrong way. I'm just extremely bored and trying to entertain myself, okay? next time I'll post about something not weird or uncomfortable, i promise.

to break away from the semi serious paragraph i have one more little statistic:

and This one's for you mom - you'll be interested to know that in fact 100% of the boys I've liked in my life have big or peculiar noses. 100%.
apparently that's my thing.
I'm grateful for boys.
peath out.

Laughing

Yesterday in my Family Proclamation class we were talking about being friends with your kids while not letting them walk all over you. among many good things that were discussed, one boy said he knew his mom was his friend because real friends tell you the truth even when you don't want to hear it. and he told us that he hated it when his mom would say what was right instead of what was easy but now looking back he respects her so much more for it. A girl said she knew her mom was a real friend because even though they argued every once and awhile, they could laugh together. She told us that she was adopted and all her foster homes were sad, and the moms didn't laugh because they were so stressed out. Then she was placed in her current family's home where the mom played and laughed with the kids. The girl said she hadn't really ever laughed before that. and she was so grateful that those parents chose to adopt her because they taught her how to laugh. they were happy.

I had never ever thought about moms not laughing with their kids. My mom and i have literally stayed up until one in the morning talking and laughing. And even though i was a brat and fought with her over stupid things, I'm grateful that she and my Dad have ridiculously fun senses of humor. and I'm grateful that they taught me how to laugh, because I love to laugh. 

and I'm grateful that my siblings and i get along so well and laugh so often.

I love them.

Derek, Allison and Rebecca have these beautiful "big smile laughs" where you can't tell if they're smiling really big or laughing.
and the rest of us have the hyena thing going, we're great.

Beauty & Creativity

That's the name of my intro to humanities class. and boy, is it tough. but BOY is it worth it! It's my lowest grade right now, but i'm killing myself for that 83.2% i promise. and hey, for college an 83 as your lowest grade is pretty flipping good.
anyway, i love the material in this class. As i mentioned before, i bought the 99 most essential pieces of classical music for this class. we have a quiz every other week where he plays ten random songs from the CD (at any part of the song besides the beginning so it's harder to identify) and we have to write down the name of the song, who composed it and in what musical age (ie. baroque, classical etc) it was written. He also quizzes us on random art works from whatever time period or country we're studying.
This week our teacher challenged us to only listen to the songs on our CD.
I didn't do 100%, because i hang out around other people who listen to other kinds of music. loudly. but whenever i played music, it was from the CD and i LOVE it. SO flipping much! I'm so grateful for this class. for how cultured i feel listening to Puccini and mozart and falling in love with Vermeer all over again like i did in fifth grade.

and P.S. I'm naming my future son Amadeus after Mozart so that He'll be a prodigy too. don't judge me.

Reclaimed

I'm grateful for forgiveness. Repentance. and a Savior who knows me better than i know myself and is willing to forget the past and reclaim me. 

Grandbabies

My sister's children have somehow affectionately been named,"the grandbabies". And today I am extremely grateful for them. all seven of them. They are beautiful and perfect in every way. I couldn't love them more!

Katelyn - she's reached the ripe old age of six. SIX! I love how big she is! last weekend on my spur of the moment trip to Utah Katelyn was telling me all about her school and the books she's reading -all with her front teeth missing which i think is the most adorable thing in the world. and I just wanted to pause her. Just make her stop growing up because before you know it she's going to be 25!

Natalie - my kindred spirit. I miss this little fireball! She gets me. even though she's five ha. she gets me.

Whitney the fiesty one. I love her spunk. and i LOVE the way she talks! It's so stinkin adorable! AND she let me give her a piggy back ride in IKEA last weekend. I'm in.

Caleb! oh my Bubba Gump :) He's my little pal. and He's getting SO OLD! I can't take it :/ haha i love the face he's making in this picture, what a goofball

Lydia - She is so dang PRETTY! honestly, she's a baby but she's already gorgeous. I'm glad i got to play with her before coming to school, she's getting so old!

Owen! He's looking like a certifiable child now! look at that boy! little troublemaker Owen. cutest kid ever.

Sweet Jenna - She is sunshine this one. pure happy. look at those eyes! her smile is enchanting 

I love seeing them love each other

I love that they love Star wars and Halloween as much as i do.

AND - Happy day! Katrina and phillip are expecting baby #2! they officially announced it on Halloween and I've been SO excited to tell people!

I love babies. I love my nieces and nephews. I can't wait to see the Murrays after thanksgiving and the cravens on the way home in December. And I can't wait to be home with Allison and her kids. 

I'm so grateful for the grandbabies today! for their unconditional love and their smiles and their little feet.

The Ranch

Yesterday was just a bad day. a BAD one. i slept through all my morning classes, I thought i slept through a midterm, but was able to still take it later that day, only to get a 57 on it. then  i get home and find out that My Aunt and Uncle sold the family ranch.

I died.

It never belonged to my immediate family, but it was always such a big part of me it that it seemed like it did.

There are SO many perfect, perfect memories. the ranch is just HAPPY. there's no other way to explain it. I can't describe adequately how much i love that place. Or how connected i feel to it. 

It's like this crazy part of my family's history. My great grand father made his living from those fields. I've seen the remnants of the little rock house at the base of the mountain. The mountain that means so much to me. This was the place my grand father Hansen was born and raised. the place where I've come for years to connect with my roots. to be with people who love me so unconditionally it's unreal. To feel wanted. to feel loved. to find myself. It's almost as if a small part of me is in that mountain. on that ranch house porch. in those sharp blades of grass, in that sweet hay.

When I'm there it's almost as if I'm untouchable. I'm completely protected and safe. It's almost as if i can feel my ancestors there with us. i know that sounds crazy. but that ranch really is sacred ground to me. A place where love and happiness are abundant. Where it is hot as hot can be during the day, and cold as you can imagine at night. In that tiny strip of life of the barren Nevada, there's Pahranagat valley. 

Fertile. beautiful. the cleanest air you'll ever breath.

the clearest sky you've ever seen. so blue it seems artificial. and at night the sky is the deepest black and purple, but the stars are so bright they take your breath right out of your chest. 

I love Hiko.

I love the ranch. It feels like Home to me.

I am very sad that it's sold, but i am infinitely grateful for the many perfect summer days and nights i spent there dreaming and loving and laughing. I'm sure one day I'll get to go back. and when that day comes i just might be the happiest person alive. but until then, i am forever thankful for the time i had there. 

Nostalgia

A year ago, we beat the coyotes. 

and it was the happiest, best feeling EVER.

this picture is of right after the game, i couldn't stop screaming. ha. poor jenae.

If you know me, you know how much i love my high school. The athletics, the theatre, the traditions, the away games, the pageants, I was so proud to win things for the school, i love everything about it.

Tonight is the rival game, and i'm DYING to be there. LITERALLY dying over it.

but win or lose, I love my school. and i know it sounds ridiculously cheesy, but i'm still a stallion through and through guys. sigh. bred deep. 

I'm forever grateful for the years i spent there. and the traditions of integrity. 

alright, that's enough sap for one day.

I think i'm going to finish off this box of reeses pieces and this bottle of V8 before Nikki gets here.

peace.

and GOOD LUCK TONIGHT STALLIONS!

Scwatch my back!

I am a pretty rude person, guys. really judgmental too. So once upon a time in girls camp there was this girl that i HATED because she was cool, but she was in cabin 3B. ew. and then, the next summer, the DAY that my sister Katrina got home from Russia, Katrina and my mom were counselors over the 4B cabin. I was in 4A. duh. and i was extremely jealous of all the cool stories that i knew they were getting to hear and all the time that the devils in the enemy cabin were getting to spend with my sister! I hated all of them. and then came fifth year of girls camp. the two cabins were forced together for the first time. I was upset to say the least, let me tell ya. But then something weird happened in my head and i realized that I was the one who was being rude and obnoxious. and once i stopped being prideful, i made some of my very best friends!

we thought we were SO cool. We got really close that year. I became especially close to Janelle and Mallorie, especially Mal. and then there was last summer which between EFY and girls camp only made us closer.

I'm pretty grateful for her about now. well, i always have been. and i think it's ridiculous that i used to hate her because she's my best friend. I didn't know two people could be alike. fo realsies.

She's sleeping on my floor right now. like a yard away from me. she looks greeeeeat when she sleeps haha

I'm glad that she's here. glad that I'm here, because I didn't want to be at first. but I LOVE BYUI. seriously, like a lot. and I'm glad i get to share the experience with her. We're not roommates but she lives next door and she keeps me sane. Her and Brandon Paul. but He's in Cal sooo, mal gets to take over for a few months.

She makes me laugh NON stop. and i like to pretend that i still hate her sometimes just because it's Hilarious  ha. she doesn't think so. I like her Blonde and brunette. I like our sense of humor. we're pretty crazy. we'll laugh at anything. for hours i might add. I can tell her anything. and she supports me in everything that i do. She also stays up late with me like erry dang night to talk while we do homework. She knows my flipping MIND. probably because she has the same one. we're so alike it's scary. 

I literally have a folder of pictures entitled, "NEVER put on facebook". It's full of hideous photos of me and mallorie. hahaha. we take pretty stinkin ugly pictures if i do say so myself. so obvi i had to throw this one in there. we're so dang pretty. and look! Half dome in the middle!

oh yeah and this one:

anyway.

I'm grateful today for my dang twin Mallorie Hakanson. 

and incase you were wondering about the title, one day i was next door at her house and i wanted to do my homework but there were these girls over who live across the hall and they are flipping WILD. they're the party apartment. there are always boys there and they're always LOUD. anyway, i wanted them to leave. but they are friends with alyssa, one of mal's roomies. So i decided that maybe if i started acting outrageously strange, they would leave. So i went up to mallorie and started doing to her what i would normally do to Jenae. naturally, i was a cat/two year old boy. I meowed and pretended to jump on flies and catch them with my paws. I talked with a speech impediment. I was being a baby. purposefully annoying the heck out of mallorie and being as weird as possible so that the crazy girls would leave my dang house.

I kept fake crying, "scwatch my back mao-wee! scwatch my back! I can't do my papow untiw you scwatch my back!" hahaha it was SOO annoying! I was fake whining like Bill Murray on what about Bob when he's like, "No! I NEED I neeeeed!" and Mallorie was getting annoyed and embarrassed but that's okay, i knew she'd get over it. what i really wnated was for those lunes to get out. well eventually it worked. they left. teehee. 

anyway

Happy November first!